THE All-Timer

 Before I get into rants and raves over the new ‘finds’ on the internet or the latest sexy talent, I wanted to get my hands dirty with a deep-dive into a girl who’s perhaps my all-time favorite porn actress. She ticks all the boxes when it comes to the three main factors for any performer: skills, physique, and content. To me, that all-around performer is Jenaveve Jolie.

Now, Jenny has been around the block in her heyday, in the early 2000’s churning out content left and right with various famous names by her bedside. With the prolific amount of work she’d done for a time period, she made her name as a buxom Latina star with absolutely jaw-dropping acting chops. Let’s dive in!

Foreplay

One thing cannot be disputed, despite your taste in porn actresses: Jenaveve is a great actress. She’s never stiff, always playful, and oozes sexual energy.

But what gets you going right from the start is her kinky foreplay, and you know I’m referring to her dick sucking prowess. Check out the video below and you’ll see what I mean.

Jenny is quite simply a marvel when she starts off a scene, putting in 100% of her effort in pleasing that dick. In this scene, she takes one of her favorite positions, bottomless and bent over off the edge of a bed or couch, while thrusting from the tip-down in long strokes.

Her rhythm is masterful - spitting periodically, giving a few pumps with her hand, and wrapping her full lips around the tip of the cock with care and precision. I’m not one to linger on fellatio scenes, but Jenaveve’s should never be skipped, as it’s probably where she excels!

Acting

What is it about Jenaveve that gets me going every time, with every view? She gets into a scene like few others do. She moans and grins with authority, looking up with determination as she gets railed. My take is always the same: there’s nothing quite like a porn star who enjoys her craft, or at least acts like she enjoys it. Jenaveve has always been the gold standard in that aspect of things.

Just take the clip below, an early performance of Jenny’s where she’s off to the side and getting pounded from behind. The focus is outstanding. The sounds she make are so sexual and real. She responds to the change in rhythm from the actor every time - when he starts thrusting faster, Jenny responds with a totally different take.

As she climaxes towards the end of the scene and the actor spreads her legs out more, you hear ‘fuck me harder!’ And it sounds genuine, unlike the fakeness of so many others.

On Top & In Charge

One last clip I’ll leave you with shows Jenaveve in one of my favorite positions to see her in - on top. But this clip is so much more, and I’ve split it into sections for your enjoyment.

We start with her foreplay, which as usual is outstanding. Her deep-throating is perfect, and she works every inch. Her supple breasts framed under the fellatio is stunning, quite frankly. Also note how she takes a pause between sucking and comes up for air - another stunning signature. That satisfied breath is pure sex.

At the 5-minute mark, Jenny moves into what she does best. Here she gets into cowgirl and absolutely dominates. She jams the cock into her body with strength, anchoring her legs to the side to get maximum leverage. Her hair waves with each stroke.

The scene then moves with an overhead shot. This is at a time when Jenaveve was in prime condition - very trim and strong, smooth and killer body. She gained a bit of weight in subsequent years, but it only added to her voluptuous charm. But this is sleek, peak Miss Jolie.

At around 13:00 we’re looking at our subject’s pussy straight-on and in rare form. Jenny is more known for her ass shots, but watching her lay on her back and rub her clit as she takes it is a primal pleasure. What acting...

The climax then comes after a reverse cowgirl takes the actor to completion. This is also a rare scene in Jenaveve’s later years, as she really puts some speed into the final strokes. This version of miss Jolie focuses less on style and more on brute strength. Her all-around perfection is why I call her one of the absolute greats.

A Hardcore Turn?

 Like so many others, my enthusiasm for Playboy waned in recent years. The quality of photo shoots and models deteriorated greatly, and I started tending more towards the hardcore side of things. In that spirit, I decided to finally start a blog centered around my tastes in the realm of porn.

Here goes my first post on my new blog - Pornhub critic. As you may know - I used to run a relatively popular blog based on my love for Playboy models called Playboy Critics Corner. In it, I painstakingly pored over Playboy’s finest centerfolds, with my obvious devotion to their models from the 1990’s taking center stage.

Those who’ve followed me know that I have discerning taste for women. They need to be distinctly beautiful and talented posers to rank as one of my famous “Top 25 Playmates” or get an “A+” rating in my blog index.

My tastes are pretty easy to predict: brunettes with curves do it easily for me. Latina women with golden skin are a cherished sight. Playboy always dabbled in diversity, but never really hit it on the nail in the way the mainstream porn industry did, and for that I always held some reservations about their direction and dedication.

A Hardcore Turn

For Playboy fans, hardcore always did get a bad rap. It leaves little to the imagination. It puts a stand-in into the action, without allowing yourself to breathe life into a static set of pictures with your own mind.

However, there’s more to it if you’re as picky as myself. I look for scenes where the model is gorgeous; where the passion is palpable; and the performance is paramount. It was always tough to judge a Playboy model’s talent given a set of 20 or so photos, but in porn, a performance can make or break a girl. Some models hit a stride and hit it out of the park, while others moan and groan to mediocrity.

So my format will largely follow my tastes - weekly or so, I’ll pick a scene or two that I’m ‘following’ closely, that really helps bust my nut - and go in-depth. It might be a bit of a study on a model and her work in general, or just focusing on a particular performance. Either way, I’m excited to be delving more into the sexual nuances of pornography, and I hope you enjoy my musings!

P.S.: Above photo is a screen grab of a real legend of a natural performer, April O’Neil. She speaks to my inclinations quite well I’d say! Link to video: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5949f5a0c5bd8

Absolutely, Emily

Emily, Miss July

So I've been a bit slow to post after getting through my fave girl of the year, Jessica Ashley. I've got some catching up to do at this point in the year, but instead of doing one of my catch-up posts with multiple Playmates at once, I thought it wouldn't do justice to another great entry this year.

Miss July was Emily Agnes, and I would be remiss if I didn't give her just what she deserves - a thorough review. To put it simply, Emily is a certain fan favorite with a definite shot at PMOY. That's how good she is, even stacked up against the likes of Jessica.

Emily is a veritable specimen of a woman, statuesque at 5'8", a slim 105 lbs. but sporting some colossal DD breasts and eye-popping measurements. In keeping with the theme of great bodies that Miss Ashley set the bar for in 2014, Emily elaborates on that and takes it in a totally different direction.

This sultry English model is all body. She's coy and reticent in her photos, but you can tell that she's packing deep. Her length is truly outstanding - in some photos it seems like the Playboy crew struggles to fully frame Emily's mile-long legs. She's a bit thin in the posterior, but her killer abs anchor what's a really stunning top half.

Those tits are for real, folks. These are true, unadulterated, hanging boobs that look fantastic beneath that cute mug. And Emily neatly ties up that hair in a bun so that her chest is on full display with little to distract from it.

When you get past Emily's amazing natural build, the questions arise. She's obviously got a good bit of talent, posing with grace and confidence throughout. But the photography is putrid, looking overexposed and too colorful, never just giving way to what a great physical display this could be. Emily never gets sexual enough... you're always looking for something a bit more, a little more labia, a little better ass shot. It all never comes, unfortunately.

• Face: B+
  A bit thin on the facial features, with a longer and slender nose, Emily nonetheless is very attractive. The gimmicks, though, give me pause. I'd recommend she lose those thick-rimmed glasses more often, letting us see that wry smile. Also, the hair. I'm a huge stickler for great hair, and the most detrimental thing about Emily's entire set is that she never lets those brown shiny locks loose. They're potentially gorgeous, and could have catapulted her to elite status. It's what could have been. 
• Body: A+
  This is another hall-of-fame worthy body, in a totally different way from Jessica's. With Emily, we have a Roman goddess. Her colossal and natural breasts are a succulent sight to behold. They beautifully balance out an otherwise very thin frame. When Emily gets fully nude, the fireworks truly fly. This is one spectacular woman to see naked... she looks streamlined, refined, and very intimate. There's energy to her motion akin to hard sex. It's that shy secretary look that really can do wonders.
• Talent: A
  As I've mentioned, Emily is a physical, brave model who breaks from her reclusive shell and busts out, literally. Her body goes on full-frontal display (although not quite enough I'll say), with Emily crouching, contorting, spreading her legs, and looking transformative throughout.
• Pictorial: B-
  There are numerous missteps with Eisenmann's pitiful picture set, the first one being the heterogenous approach of making Emily look like an old school pinup. They never o for the subtlety that would be so fitting for a model like this. A woman like Emily just needs to feel her way through a photo set, without too much makeup or props, just being nude and letting herself strip free, maybe even *undo her hair*. Good God.. if only they let her be herself here.
• Centerfold: B+
  Although it suffers from the stylistic faults of the rest of Emily's pictorial, her centerfold looks full of energy and captures a rock hard torso. Though I'd like to have seen a full frontal with some idea of Emily's great length in mind.
• Overall: A
  This one's another special model who should be under consideration for PMOY in 2015. Fans have bought in to Emily's beautiful look and unbelievably physical gifts. Although she like other Playboy models of recent years has been mishandled abhorrently, she's still something to see. A sleek, slim woman with huge amazing tits isn't always what we see in the right balance, but Miss Agnes hits the nail right on the head. Sexy beyond words.

Sex with Jess

So I just made Jessica my new number one girl. My first hall of famer in years. She looks incredible... good enough to take a closer look at. For a moment, I want to throw away the professional reviews, the tightened prose, and the heavy scrutiny. I want to just look and feel a model the way she was meant to be.  I want to be fucking such a perfect woman.

I want to take four of my favorite photos of Jess and do what we were meant to do with them. I want to write a love letter to Jessica's body.

Jess looks good enough to eat in this photo. The way she props herself to the side, just a little tilt that creases the right side of her hip just a little more. Her waist cinched, you can really see the size of her ass from the front.

Even from the front.

Forget that you can't see her gorgeous ass, you can see it in your mind with this picture. Her spectacular tits aren't too big, but just hang enough to give some subtle curvature that's lit beautifully.

But it's that ass that you get a sense of, with this hourglass portrait. Simply scandalous. This woman was meant to be fucked from behind.

Someone let Jess out of the cage with this one. She's out in full force. In my review, I mentioned that back curve, one of the sexiest features on any woman.

That back curve, that splits open with an arched back, and offers and extension to her ass crack. It's perfectly proportioned, it's spectacular. It's a work of art that's taken a lot of effort and sweat to get just right. Boy, did it pay off.

The best part of rear shots like this one is that sideways eye look. She's peering to the side, as if being fucked from behind, looking up, and wanting more. She grabs her hair a bit, creating a playful and flirty sense. This is sex in a photo.

That bracelet, too. What is with that fucking bracelet? She's so naked, but that one little bracelet is on, reminding you that she's stripped down from something. But in a fit of lust, she forgot to take that off.

I picked another ass shot here, but I can't help it when it comes to Jessica. She's too curvy and looks too great from behind. This one's that awesomely classic shot from behind - a doggy style pose that exposes every single curve, every single line. See that arch? It's out in full force. See those thighs? They're propping up a thoroughbred of a woman, who was built for hardcore sex. See those tits hang? They balance the reverse bulge of that ass with amazing symmetry.

And that hand on that face... looking almost tired and exhausted at the prospect of some rough sex in the daylight. Her hair's a bit unkempt, too. That hammock is in for some rocking, for sure.

This last one is the type of full frontal that only girls like Jess could pull off. Her light curls fall over her chest like little wisps in the sun. The lighting is almost ethereal. She's glowing.

Just look at those lines rippling through her body. There's the trail starting between her boobs and through her navel. The way it splits her hard abs is heavenly.

Then there's the two lines that almost form an arrow pointing down to her spectacular vagina. Those lines form intriguing little creases that end with a little gap below her sexy little clit.

It looks open and inviting, her thighs parting and a little window inviting you right in. This photo is so sexual and perfect. The mirror behind to show the full masterpiece. The look on her face, just asking for just one orgasm. Just a dream of a composition.

So, when's the last time a couple of pictures of a woman almost made you ejaculate? Yeah, I felt exactly the same way. That's an A+ model right there.

I Dream Of Ashley...

Jessica, Miss June 2014

I came back to writing for this blog because of one single catalyst, and you've seen me mention her before - none other than Miss June, Jessica Ashley. The thing is, I've been waiting for years and venting my frustration about the lack of real talent in the Playmate world. I mean, it's been four years since our last duo of "A+" Hall of Famers, Amy Leigh Andrews and Bethanie Badertscher, hit the stage.


In those four years, we've had a wide plethora of different posing styles, bodies of all shapes and sizes, and for the most part, some really shoddy pictorials. Of some less-than-deserving Playmates. Sure, there have obviously been A-caliber highlights like Shelby Chesnes or Tiffany Toth, but even those ladies weren't seminal models that we can put up there with the best of the best.

That is, until I saw Miss June 2014. Some may say that she still lays as victim to the horrible turn that Playboy photography has taken in recent years. To that I say "okay, you've got a point." But I think what we have with Jessica is a model who can rise above and beyond any photo set that's been dealt to her. That's a rare trait in this day and age, where the photos make the model. Here, it's quite the other way around.

First and foremost about Jess, I need to address her body. Ok, I don't just want to address it. I want to dive right into it, feel it, touch it. Jessica's body is simply perfection, a master stroke, hall of fame material. It is a simply wonderful balance of curvature mixed with rock-hard precision, with the right amount of delicate femininity to tie it all together. She reminds me a bit of the great Jo Garcia, but filled in and a bit more complete.

But truly, I could go on forever about Jessica's amazing looks. Her decently tall size (5' 9") has a good bit of volume at 130 lbs, and you see how every pound goes to all the right spots. Her upper frame is sharp and slim and womanly, while not being overly skinny, her shoulders tapering just enough. Her posture is sublime. It leads you into some breasts which are just picture-perfect, not large by any means, but looking lively and rewarding to the touch.

Then come the abs. I could write a whole ode to Jessica's abs. In some photos, a single splitting line goes straight down Jess's belly, forming an intriguing trail to her nether regions. Her tight core is anchored by a gorgeously curved back. I mean, you can't even paint proportions more perfect than this. The coup de grace after all this is her lengthy, perfectly thick legs that often nestle into some accentuating stilettos that allow you to indulge in her lines.

PBC Hall of Famer
Jessica Ashley

So you see, I'm a little obsessed with Jess's body. It's a masterpiece. Some would also complain about her material, but I'd say that some photos nicely capture the tone and balance of her tanned body - and isn't that really the whole point here? We're not talking about a course in nude photography, but we don't get a bunch of total duds, by any means. There are some nice themes throughout that carry her well.

• Face: A
  Jess is an awfully pretty girl, with youthful enthusiasm permeating every single photo. She doesn't have a particularly distinctive face that would carry her otherwise, but when complemented by her spectacle of a body, she's perky and pleasurable. Sometimes she'll hit on all cylinders with a foxy stare that positively melts, and aims that sexual presence with lots of precision.
• Body: A+
  What can I write that I haven't already? I'm drooling over this woman's proportions. In my mind, Jessica's body harkens back to the big names of recent years - the best body since Amy Leigh Andrews, but looking more like CGOY Jo Garcia than more of the voluptuous Playmates of yore. This is a body that someone of any preference could love, an ass man, leg man, yes even a breast man. She's ample enough in proportions, but so naturally so that she excites at every look. 
• Talent: A+
  Not sold yet? Let Jess turn around towards the window, arch that back, and get on her toes. She exposes that scintillating line down her spine that creeps down into her ass crack. Still not convinced? Let her lay down, giving you a little stare and running her fingers down to her steely abs. Sure, she's got the weapon that is her physique at her disposal. But don't let that cloud the idea that Miss Ashley is one dynamite model. She works it when she wants, pulls back when she needs, and offers a physical rhythm that few can pull off. A-plus with a bullet.
• Pictorial: A-
  Where the controversy starts is with this pictorial. Some have ranted that this doesn't hold up to any standard at all, and I wouldn't beg to differ all that much. It's not great, the subject is. But the pictorial set does a fine job at times of getting out of Jessica's way. It doesn't try too hard to accent a great centerpiece, which is just fine. Is there some silly costuming and a lack of imagination and focus? Of course, this is 2014 Playboy. We should expect that by now.
• Centerfold: B+
  A bit of an odd choice for a photo and a pose. I would have loved to see a full size frontal with a rippling shot of those abs and that cute little pubic notch near her pussy. That'd do wonders.
• Overall: A+
  So here's the inevitable conclusion: Jessica becomes the first girl to join my Hall of Fame in four years, and the first Playmate since 2010's Amy Leigh Andrews to make the A+ cut.
  
  There have been many, many Playboy models in the past four years, but Jess has what is obviously the best balance of looks, physique, and talent that I've seen in that timeframe. Some may have come close, but Jess has impacted me in ways no one has in quite some time. She's nuanced and sexual, and always exciting. My obvious favorite for PMOY, she will be tough to beat indeed, even given Playboy's seeming re-awakening following some miserable entrants.

It's especially impactful to see a girl like this in what's been an abysmal showing for Playboy in past years. Hope to see WAY more of this in the near future, and it's looking good already with Emily Agnes!

2014 Playmate Catch-Up

Let's catch up on the Playmates of  2014, shall we? We've seen an overall rocky start to 2014, followed by some real promise. Before I get ahead of myself, let's look at the girls that have appeared on the centerfolds of the year so far.

Roos van Montfort - Miss January 2014

Roos was chosen to hold the title of 60th Anniversary Playmate, a title that comes with less pomp than past selections. A tall Dutch model with nary a glimmer of personality, Roos saunters through a couple of pictorial sets looking plastic and almost comically Photoshopped. Was there any life left in this model before they wheeled her across the Atlantic?

• Face: A-
  Okay, we get it. Roos looks like someone out of America's Next Top Model, and seems to be more akin to a Versace ad girl than a PMOM. She has a pretty, sharply angular face that would look just lovely with a smile spread across it. Unfortunately, there's no life to be found in this young lady. There's little depth at all here, and she looks like a figurine throughout.
• Body: B
  Roos's physique is tall, overly slim, and largely featureless. There isn't much to see here or catch the eye, and you have to wonder why Playboy would choose models like Roos, who seem far out of place in the nude. Still, she has some decent shape and perky little breasts that look fine in pictures.
• Talent: C+
  Again, Roos doesn't look the part, and that's putting it mildly. This girl lacks any semblance of posing talent, or  even a remote awareness of how active nude photography would work. There is no posing, no variety, nothing to see here. One of the most inanimate models we've seen in years.
• Pictorial: B-
  Sure, it's tough to save a model who's this untalented, but Playboy's editors don't do Roos any favors. Drab, unsaturated, colorless pictorial sets only serve to make this girl even more forgettable.
• Centerfold: B+
  It's a more than passable centerfold for this model. With some neat costuming and a sexy, almost ethereal look, it's a good one-off.
• Overall: B-
  This is not a good Playmate. Not at all. To be chosen for the 60th Anniversary issue is even more laughable. With nary a hint of posing knowledge, the most boring and dragging pictorials around, Roos is a total snoozer. She is certainly a pretty girl, and could have some potential tucked somewhere behind that stoic exterior, but you'd have to dig pretty deep.

Amanda Booth - Miss February 2014

Amanda's appearance marks a real shift of Playboy's philosophy into a different photography style - oversaturated, overglamorous, indulgent photos that really deny the audience of any sense of nuance or professionalism. The model barely gets to breathe or enact any level of creativity. Here we are in Playoby's new dawn.

• Face: B-
  Amanda's oddly unattractive facial features start with her pointed and angular nose, and end with the fact that she has features that look almost glued on. She looks fake, almost intangible to the audience, looking nothing like anyone you would meet on the street or in real life.
• Body: B-
  Unfortunately, there's not much saving grace here either. Whereas Roos before her had some elements that still made her attractive in certain settings, Amanda's frame is far too thin, and without any of the redeeming features. Literally no breasts, no ass, and very little help from the photography.
• Talent: B
  Amanda makes some passable attempts at active posing, but the end result is still unsightly and nothing to get excited for. A few coy stares. A stray finger in the mouth. All a bunch of tired gimmicks that belie a mostly stiff talent basis.
• Pictorial: C
  This is getting out of hand; very out of hand. While Miss Booth trudges on with her bland physical 'gifts,' she's also handed some crappy, totally amateurish photography that looks like it should be on the cover of a glamour magazine more than a simple pictorial set. Harsh lighting drowns away any details of her body, showing us a glowing silhouette of a woman we'll be quick to forget.
• Centerfold: B
  Follows suit with the rest of Amanda's repertoire - overprocessed and underwhelming.
• Overall: C+
  Boring is a word I've used pretty recently with another model, and it comes to mind with Amanda, but in a different sense. Here's a model that is not even a pleasure to lay eyes upon, and the inept photography at Playboy botched the job even further. There's no redemption here, only a girl who will remain just a name.

Britt Linn - Miss March 2014

After two totally drab ways to start the year, here come the curveballs in Playboy's annual lineup. Britt is a totally out-of-the-box contender, something we would be hard pressed to find in decades past. Short haired, sharp-eyed, incredibly tall, and an interesting mix of styles. This one is definitely worth a close look.

• Face: B+
  When I see Britt's piercing stare casting a devious, sexual tension over her photos, the only thing I keep thinking to myself is: damn, if she only had longer hair. It's an unfortunate sticking point for me, because Britt is a pretty girl. She has a wit and attitude to her that really comes across in her aggressive facial expressions. But it's that short, whipped up hair that gives her a tinge of masculinity that serves to negate that in a big way.
• Body: A
  It might take a second or third look to really notice and appreciate, but in this department, Britt Linn is a real winner. She's incredibly tall at 5' 10", and takes advantage of every square inch of that frame with wonderful curvature and long, sinewy legs. Her butt is especially impressive, and she arches and twists her back to expose some absurd contours that look fantastic on camera.
• Talent: A
  An aggressive, almost threatening posing skill is what you get on full display with Britt Linn. While she's by no means flawless, she makes use of her impressive length and gorgeous frame by delivering some awesome variety. Every photo says something about this model, which is far more than can be said for her two predecessors. This is how Playboy models should put themselves to work.
• Pictorial: B+
  So it's not a masterpiece by any stretch, but Britt's talent combined with a subtle color palette and a darker overall theme makes for a good combination. While she's best in full-frontal glory or the occasional side shot showing off her full curvature, Britt is represented well with a nice collection of costuming too.
• Centerfold: A-
  Full of attitude, showing off Britt's grit and snark in its purest form. Not to mention an awesome frontal view of her taut body.
• Overall: A-
  I initially wrote Britt off as a product of the Miley Cyrus generation, looking like a biker girl with a bit too much punch for the magazine, with not enough substance. Take another look. What we've got here is the finest Playmate body we've seen in some time, maybe since Shelby Chesnes. An awesome and talented model with a great feel for the camera, she's still hurt by the whole short hair thing. I just can't get over it. It's not a feminine short cut, either, and that hurts her. Still a great effort by PB to introduce something new and fresh to the mix.

Shanice Jordyn - Miss April 2014

Every year, we have a collection of "filler" Playmates. They're not attempts to try to hit it out of the park that either miss horribly or surpass all expectation. These are women where no attempt has been made at all to give them the real Playmate treatment. Shanice Jordyn is one of those fillers. She's got no business being a Playmate, but here she is, with her own month.

• Face: B
  Shanice has an attractive face and a wide, toothy smile that brightens up her photo sets. Sometimes she looks really darn cute. But as I factor in hair to the "Face" score in my sheet, her frizzly locks kick her down a few notches. I can only imagine how transformative it would be if Shanice sported some straight brown hair. With that pretty face, it would have been dynamite.
• Body: B-
  Slim, featureless, bland. At times throughout her photos, you might not even notice that Shanice is stripped down to her birthday suit. She's too thin to really exhibit any curvature, even though she has a decent ass for camera.
• Talent: B
  A timid poser who's the real definition of a one-trick pony, Shanice never flexes any chops that could bail her so-so looks out very well. Somewhere deep down, she has some inherent spark that took her to this level, but it just does not translate.
• Pictorial: B-
  Shanice's pictorial marks a major turning point in PB photography, where the production value is "overglammed" almost as if to prove a point. Trying to elevate splotchy colors, harsh flashbulbs, and overexposed photos to the level of an artform is a tricky process. Playboy seems to have rushed into it, and from the looks of her successors, won't be pulling back much.
• Centerfold: B
  Does nothing to help or hurt her, just as bland as her entire repertoire.
• Overall: B-
  Shanice Jordyn will soon be a name that Playboy fans will forget. Forever a 'filler' Playmate whose blandness overcomes every pictorial she's done. She's one of those that will float off into the sunset. But, her pictorial might be a significant pivot in PB photography. Gone are the days of subtlety... it seems that 2014 might soon be defined as the year of photographic excess.

Dani Mathers - Miss May 2014

Dani... Mathers... where had I heard this name before? Here's a model whose names have been floating through the annals of Playboy, in and out of amateur section shoots, not causing a major stir... but building enough of a fanbase to eventually break it into Playmate-dom! To be honest, I never really delved far into Dani's pictorials to see what she was about. A big-boob blonde is all I saw on the surface. But I dug a little deeper for this review, and what do I find? A hot little girl with a decent amount of skill on her.

• Face: B-
  Dani's face is all at once the reason for some of her appeal, as well as what's keeping her down and out of the Playmate race. I had to take a few looks at her to see if I could grow to like her, but in the end, it's her face that puts me off. It's square, angular, and there's a lot of... eyebrow. The sharp straightness of her eye lines and lower lip just look too harsh in the camera. At times her blonde hair and sneering look almost pulls you in, until you take a real close look.
• Body: B+
  Of course, this is the reason she's a Playmate, duh. While Dani is the shortest Playmate since Audrey Allen, she is a bouncy patchwork of colossal fake breasts and a curvy butt tapering down to some skinny thighs. It's an odd, rippling proportion that makes sense only when you see her silhouette. A little artificial? Sure! But it's also what makes Dani fun.
• Talent: A-
  For all the sheer lack of talent we see in Roos or Shanice this year, it's comforting to see a firecracker like Dani at work. With a few years of modeling for Playboy under her belt, the veteran Miss Mathers shines by stretching, grinning, contorting, and moving throughout some fine performances. While she won't win any awards for it, she's active and enjoyable.
• Pictorial: B
  Okay, so she spends a lot of time at the beach. It's her main recurring theme, and I won't knock her for it. There are also some interesting takes on her outrageous body, zooming and spinning around this skilled model. I'd say a decent effort, better than most.
• Centerfold: A-
  I like this shot a lot. The sand on her sharp curves almost beckons here, and the pose and facial expression are intriguingly sexy. Perfect choice.
• Overall: B
  I've used this word before in this review and I'll reiterate it again: fun. Dani is a fun girl to observe, rife with talent and a body to boot. While she may not be everyone's cup of tea (she wasn't fully mine either), she's more than acceptable given the lineup for the first five months of 2014. We only hope the sky's the limit from here!

Well there you have it folks! Stay tuned for the reason for my comeback in the first place: my review of the spectacular Jessica Ashley.

2013 Playmate Recap

For those of you who follow my blog, obviously you noticed a steep drop-off of Playmate reviews since I featured Briyana Noelle here last year. Indeed, as busy as it has been for me outside this blog, there's also been a dearth of Playmate talent to write about. Which is why I put this thing on hold for so long, perhaps wondering if I'd return again.

A certain Miss June changed that recently, so I'd like to catch up on all the things I've missed. I'm not going to do all the ladies I passed over much justice with full posts, but what I will do is give some short reviews. For this post, I'd like to catch up on the ladies from the 2013 class that I did not review, give my ranking for the group, and recap the PMOY selection. Here we go.

Carly Lauren, October 2013

With one of the most well-balanced and long yet buxom bodies of the year, Carly is a gem that needs a second look to truly appreciate. Her talent is world-class in her pictorials, as she goes above and beyond the sets given to her by delivering dynamic and active posing. The combination of body and talent would be a real slam dunk if not for some strange and off-kilter pictorials that don’t really do her much justice.

• Face: B
  Carly's bleached blond waves and squinty blue eyes do little for me. She doesn't have a very memorable look and lacks a bit of character in her expressions.
• Body: A
  Carly gives Alyssa a run for her money when it comes to body of the year in the 2013 class. She has a tight, tall figure with legs for miles, and looks perfect in anything the producers throw her in.
• Talent: A+
  My one and only A+ category rating of 2013 goes here to Carly. I must say that she really took me aback with her posing skill, which ranks among the very best I've seen. She has a keen understanding of her own assets, and works her gorgeous body for the camera with much ease.
• Pictorial: B+
  Most of the shining moments in Josh Ryan's shooting of Carly lies in when she's allowed to just flow. At other times, the pictorials seem overproduced and lacking in any real flavor. They completely missed giving this great model any real personality when they had the chance.
• Centerfold: B
  A passive pose doesn't suit Miss Lauren very well here, and not in her best pictorial setting either.
• Overall: A-
  Carly is one who really surprised me this year, as I wrote her off a bit before I started to look deeper. Her weakness is being less-than-memorable, and it's exasperated by a rather boring pictorial set that only sporadically takes advantage of such a hot body. But, for physique and sheer talent alone, Carly ranks towards the top of the 2013 Playmate class for me.

Gemma Lee Farrell, November 2013

With a popping booty and an exotic face, Gemma is one of the odd birds out of the Playmate group with her unique looks. She brings the energy with her posing, and although she’s no Carly, she tows the rope as one of the better talents in the class. Still, a bleached, overly processed, and color-heavy pictorial set makes her look unnecessarily phony at times.

• Face: B
  Gemma's unusual face becomes a bit of a centerpiece of her photos, but that's not always a good thing. Slanted and sometimes engaging eyes are her most interesting feature, but often get lost in the photograph because of their size. She comes off as a bit too artificial here.
• Body: A-
  Although Gemma's not short (a respectable 5'8") she looks compact in her photos due to her curviness. Although she seems a bit unbalanced with some short-ish legs, she hits all the right points with a great rack.
• Talent: A-
  Gemma gets all the high marks for being an above-average poser, playing well to the camera and looking engaged and focused. She never gets too wild, which you kind of miss with a lady like this.
• Pictorial: B-
  Again, with Gemma's lack of effort to really get riled up and sexy, combined with a series of pictorials looking heavily airbrushed and false, we never really get a good view of just who Gemma is. She's as perplexing as she is on first sight, which is a sad nod to Eisenmann's disjoined style.
• Centerfold: B
  Not overly flattering on her curves. Not a great shot selection.
• Overall: B+
  The main takeaway from studying Gemma's work is that we'll never really know who this model is. Playboy has taken a safe, timid route with her, coloring and saturating a pictorial that seems hastily edited and completely out of touch. Miss Farrell has the physical assets to make a splash, but won't get far with a poorly matched performance like this. I only wish she was let out of her cage a bit.

Kennedy Summers, December 2013

A strangely uncomfortable Playmate to look at, Kennedy is a plastic blonde with an elongated face and bubbly fake breasts. She doesn’t have a shred of that Playmate swagger or an ounce of charm. Given her nomination as Playmate of the Year, you’d expect someone with a few more redeeming qualities. Sadly, Kennedy was at the bottom of the Playmate barrel for me in 2013.

• Face: B-
  With one of the stranger, more angular faces in the recent past, Kennedy's face is certainly what drags her down in my rankings. A Playmate's got to look pretty, period.
• Body: B
  Kennedy looks like a model that comes straight out of a manufacturing plant. Pale, artificially inflated, doll-like. She looks good in numbers, but when you lay eyes on her, you're left wanting something more tangible.
• Talent: B
  Miss Summers is a passable model, with some staring, some leering, and some occasional grinning. She never steps foot beyond that mark, and that makes her just average.
• Pictorial: B-
  An abysmal set of pictorials has Kennedy overly made-up, looking lost and without purpose or direction. A complete lack of passion doesn't help the fact that she is just not an adept or attractive model.
• Centerfold: A
  Ah-ha, the one saving grace! Kennedy delivers a sizzling full-frontal shot that reminds me of the good old days of Playmate centerfolds. You almost get a palpable sense of her body in this one. Easily the best photo of her whole repertoire.
• Overall: B-
  In case you can't predict it already, I'm a bit disappointed with the PMOY selection this year. Kennedy is just a plain bad model that sets the tone for a rough start to 2014. There are numerous more deserving ladies, but what we got here is a tired, boring, Barbie doll model who stretches the concept of Hef-mate to undeserved levels.

Jaslyn Ome, Miss April 2013

2013 Playmate Class Ranking

12. Karina Marie (C+)

11. Kennedy Summers (B-)

10. Shawn Dillon (B)

9. Briyana Noelle (B+)

8. Gemma Lee Farrell (B+)

7. Audrey Allen (B+)

6. Alyssa Arce (B+)

5. Val Keil (A-)

4. Kristen Nicole (A-)

3. Ashley Doris (A-)

2. Carly Lauren (A-)

1. Jaslyn Ome (A-)

Superlatives

Best Breasts... Alyssa

Best Butt... Val

Best Body... Alyssa

Best Face... Audrey

Best Pictorial... Jaslyn

Best Talent... Carly

Overall, I think 2013 would go down as a very solid class top-to-bottom. I have B+ ratings all the way down to 9th place, which shows that I really thought we have a deep class. Still, no one achieved a A or higher for the entire year, the first year that's happened since 1989 in my rankings (Giana Amore was my Playmate pick that year). 

This year, Jaslyn was my top pick, as I felt she had the best balance of talent, looks, and pictures to set herself apart. It was one of the tougher selections in years, since I felt like the ladies were tightly bunched in the class. I think Carly made a great push towards the end, but Miss Ome had my heart.

Playmate of the Year 2014: Reaction

Kennedy Summers is the 2014 Playmate of the Year. I had her ranked at #11 on my list, my lowest ranking for a PMOY winner since 1993's Vickie (Anna Nicole) Smith, who I had at #12 that year.

As you might tell from my review above, I didn't have Kennedy in the highest regard. From what I can see on the internet, neither did many Playboy fans. There were ten other women who I'd have rather seen win the award over Kennedy. I have to ask the question that so many others are asking: who is Playboy listening to? What fans are picking these winners? How could a woman like Kennedy win over great talents like Carly or amazing physiques like Alyssa?

I'll just leave it at that. I always keep looking forward to the next year, but this selection makes me lose all hope. I have great expectations for 2014! More reviews coming soon!

Call it a comeback?

Jessica Ashley. Talk about re-igniting a fire. Look for some content here soon.

Prospects looking good?

Must say Jessica Ashley looks mighty promising... Might just warrant a comeback post, with a short recap of the ladies in between my last post and now. Let's see. 

My 2013 PMOY pick is Jaslyn, for anyone who's curious.  

http://glamourcenterfolds.com/playmateblog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/4e3ac6e3bb8aa.jpg

Goodbye and Farewell... for now

To my readers and fans,

I believe I owe everyone who follows my blog an explanation on why I haven't posted in a while. There are a number of reasons, both personal and preferential. The #1 reason, though, is that I think Playboy has seriously lost its direction.

As you all know, this blog specializes in Playboy's leading women, known as Playmates. I review each and every Playmate, good or bad, and give my honest opinion on how she ranks among Playboy's best. The Playmates have always held a special place in my heart, with some of my favorites such as Karen McDougal and Shannon Stewart still being, in my view, the most beautiful women ever to grace the planet. And so, I had a passion that I wanted to put down on paper.

Unfortunately, for whatever number of reasons, Playboy has fallen off the map. The recent spate of horrific Playmate choices have provided me no motivation to keep this blog going. Starting with December last year and continuing through Roos Van Montfort, Amanda Booth, and Brit Linn, we've seen a string of far-below-par ladies take the title that was shared by the likes of Karen Witter and Vanessa Gleason. That's a tragedy!

So, I mourn the Playboy that I knew. This isn't a shift to a new era - this is an exercise in sloppiness, in laziness. I can't go on rating women when there's little hope for another "A+" or a home run in my eyes. There's nothing to look forward to.

I'll continue to follow the Playmates periodically, to see if there's someone that's truly hit it out of the park. If there is, maybe I'll come back and post here. For now, please consider it dormant.

I thank you all who've followed my words for the past 7 years. It's been a joy to read your responses and passions, as well. Farewell!

Sincerely,

The Playboy Critic

Slim-Fitting

Bryiana, Miss September

We're rearing around on the back stretch of 2013's Playmate class, and after several above average performances (I haven't given any girl less than a B+ since February), we kind of have to feel satisfied with this lineup so far. It's got a little bit of everything - from vivacious brunettes to bubbly little packages of posing joy.

What's still missing, though, is that elusive mark that makes a year go. It's that one Playmate who stands out and makes a statement that will carry the class forward. Although fans have delighted in some really wonderful ladies this year, I'd be hard pressed to find anyone who's seen some pure A-caliber talent.

Miss September was Bryiana Noelle, a young and eclectic Playmate that throws a monkey wrench into the gears that churn out plastic Playmate molds. Indeed, Miss Noelle is something of an anomaly, and she's got her quirks.

First thing is obviously first - this is one skinny model. We're talking 85 pounds skinny, and the lightest Playmate ever to hold the title. In fact, she's a whopping 20 lbs lighter than the next lightest girl this year, Audrey Allen. The true test of whether this slim figure is 'too' slim would obviously be her pictorial sets, which could either be hit or miss, as we've seen with overly thin girls in the past.

I was a bit skeptical of Bryiana at first, and it actually took me some time to get a feel for what kind of model she was. And after seeing five entries in Playboy Plus, the truth is, I'm still a bit unsure of what to think of her. While she's a lightweight, she never comes off as sickly, since she has a decent set of curves that photograph quite well. Her thinness also gives the appearance of a tall, sleek figure, which is a bit of an optical illusion given her 5'3" stature, the second shortest of the class.

Posing-wise, we have a fashion model that's broken slightly out of her shell, but not enough to crack it wide open. There's a constricting sense of deliberateness throughout, as she's a bit repetitive and calculating with each move. She is a true talent above many other ladies this year, but she holds back a bit too much, never letting her legs spread or looking free and sensually unbound.

Josh Ryan, though, does just fine here. While there's been much criticism of the photography and direction this year, it's safe to say that Bryiana didn't get the short end of the stick, at least not entirely. Some overexposed shots and overly processed pictorials (her main PM set) are still sticking points. But take one look at "Sweet Surrender" or "Director's Choice" and you'll see some opportunities for Miss Noelle to stay comfortable.

• Face: B+
  Briyana's uncanny mix of different backgrounds makes her a very unique and unusual entry in any Playmate class. Playboy obviously took a jump away from their cookie cutter blonde here. With big, pearly eyes and a gorgeous smile that's not seen enough, she's exotic and charming. Her facial structure may be a bit off-putting to some, with a shorter nose.
• Body: B
  Being the lightest Playmate in history gives Bryiana some milestone points, but what should really be to her credit is the fact that she doesn't look 85 lbs. On full frontal shots, the gap between her thighs can be a little eye-catching, but there's balance and beauty in her body. She has a cute butt and looks deliciously long despite her short frame, so there's another plus.
• Talent: A-
  One of the finer talents of 2013, Briyana is a very professional poser. She's fashion model-esque, with a great feel for technicality and a movement that rivals all the best runway stars. She seems almost too restricted at times, though, and you almost want to see her really get between the sheets at times.
• Pictorial: B+
  While Josh Ryan didn't reinvent the wheel here, and there were some ill-conceived set pieces, Bryiana gets a chance to stay naturally sexy in two pictorials, Director's Choice and Sweet Surrender. Although there's nothing fancy here, you get a good feel for an otherwise mysterious model, which is not so easy to do.
• Centerfold: B
  An overexposed shot in the jungle is a very odd choice for such a slender, flowing model. Get a head-to-toe body shot sprawled out on a bed (perhaps from behind), and you'd have a winner.
• Overall: B+
  Another near-hit for Playboy follows a solid year of girls who never underachieve, but never hit on all cylinders, either. Bryiana Noelle is yet another one of those girls, but this one's been a really unexpected pleasure. While others are more obvious in their appeal, Bryiana draws you in with her wide-eyed look, her sinewy body, and her great posing skill. What she lacks, like pretty much all other women this year, is a real killer instinct that only the best have. It's that look that oozes sexuality, and that free spirited posing style that's somewhat a natural gift. As always, we'll keep searching.

Val's Our Gal!

Val, Miss August

We're hitting our stride in the Playboy calendar - there's no arguing with the fact that we've seen a nice level of Playmate quality so far in 2013. Whether it's Jaslyn Ome's dynamic pictorial, Audrey Allen's spunky style, or Alyssa Arcè's awesome body, we've seen everything on offer here. As the Playboy Plus exclusive content is going steadily downhill after an admirable debut, we're seeing the magazine's signature ladies leading the pack (thankfully).

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, though, we're still searching for that elusive next "superstar" Playmate that can conjure up my next A+ rating. With this July-August double issue, though, we don't really get that breakthrough. However, we do get a punchy contender in Miss August, Val Keil.

The small brunette named Val is a 22 year old beauty hailing from Philly. Although she isn't the poser that I would have hoped, she's visually great in many different aspects, most notably with her big sexy eyes.

Val's unleashed a plethora of Playmate material so far this month, with photographer Josh Ryan offering a nice respite from Eisenmann's disastrous entries. While Ryan is no virtuoso, he gives a considerable amount of breathing room to his models, allowing them to be contemplative and sexual, never allowing the setting to take charge and dictate the way forward.

Val's pictorials are a bit uneven, but certainly pleasing to the eye because of the great subject matter. Her main pictorial is a bit off, as is her "Hollywood Glamour" entry, with both of them not offering enough color and contrast to Val's dark look. Miss Keil has a dose of stage presence that several other women have lacked so far in '13, taking the reins when they're properly offered.

Val's figure is notable for her
amazing lower body

In her "Pure Aphrodisiac" photo set, Val hits her stride and settles in, with her signature ruby red lipstick and heavy dark eyeliner showing off a face with character and charm. In a slinky pink garter set, Miss Keil spins and manipulates her body, which isn't something to be underestimated. While she doesn't have the curves or natural balance that Alyssa had (and few do), she's chiseled and has a fantastic ass.

What Val lacks in really raw talent is made up for by her intriguing looks. The real coup de grace comes in the second half of her "Director's Choice" set, where a grid-like brassiere and a tantalizing bottomless look pervade throughout, and evoke some naughty poses. While her movement is a bit stiff and she never looks 100% comfortable, there's no denying that this one is a woman who's here to carve out an identity of her own.

• Face: A-
  In a year of some really pretty faces, which is probably the most inconsistent trait for most Playmate classes, Val's still stands out as one of the most eye-catching. Her deep, pearly eyes are easily her best feature, and when she tilts her head down and peers up with them, it's a signature move that doesn't fail. A knock against the editors here would have to be with her oft-overdone makeup, where you almost hope they gave her a single chance without such a heavy dose of that ruby red lipstick.
• Body: A-
  One of the smaller Playmates of this class, Val's stature is easily apparent in photos, as her torso looks notably shorter throughout. However, this serves to offset some of the imbalance that Val has in her physique. She doesn't have overly large breasts, and that suits her well - but with the rest of her body looking adequately curvy, her top half seems a bit lacking. All that aside, Val is a complete pleasure. Her perky butt is always sexy, and gives her what's easily the best bottom half of 2013.
• Talent: B+
  Val possesses some really above average posing skills, sometimes looking imposing and utterly sexy in her pictorial. Josh Ryan does well with Val in several settings, with her lingerie shots looking particularly powerful. Val works the camera with ease when she's comfortable. On the other hand, at times she's not given the room to shine, and looks lost and confused. She has a tough time compensating for a stale setpiece, which is worrying.
• Pictorial: B
  Mr. Ryan hits a few home runs with Val's pink lingerie set and a spread with a strappy bra and not a whole lot else. Those two pictorials are truly great, since they give her a pure, simple slate to expose herself. But with the two other pictorials, "Hollywood Glamour" and her magazine spread, she looks over-polished and vastly underutilized, like a mannequin with little of the glow she has when she's in her element.
• Centerfold: A
  Val's centerfold is a back-to-basics strategy that is easily the best centerfold image of the year so far. It's a perfect shot of her fantastic hip lines and awesome lower body. Full frontal shots that are as fantastical as this are hard to come by in today's Playboy.
• Overall: A-
  It's been a consistent year, if anything. There's still no true star power, and Val was never the girl to bring it with much impact. However, we've got a pretty memorable Playmate with a gorgeous body, ample posing skill, and a couple of good pictorial sets - more than you could ask for in a year of some subpar material. Val's stunning face complements a body that sports by far the best legs and butt of 2013. Val won't etch herself into the minds of fans, but she's been a pleasure nonetheless.

2013 Playmate of the Year Review

Raquel
2013 Playmate of the Year

I haven't had chance yet to go back and reflect on Raquel Pomplun's appointment as Playmate of the Year 2013 as of yet, so I wanted to take some time to comment on it now.

As you might well know, I put Raquel at a lowly #9 on my year-end rankings last year. I obviously caught some heat for this, and I considered her strong fan base when I put together my ranking and rating for Miss April. Many commented that there was little chance that eight other ladies were better in 2012 than Miss Pomplun.

Although I'm always a bit apprehensive about changing my ratings in retrospect, if I were to evaluate her again, I'd probably put Raquel a bit higher than I did, especially since viewing some more of her glamor material. Raquel does have some nice size and is bold and graceful in front of the camera, and she does seem to be a decently deserving PMOY.

You all know my opinion about Miss Pomplun. I definitely preferred Shelby Chesnes, and was almost sure she would win after popular support for her mounted. However, as with Jaclyn Swedberg's PMOY win the year before, I would say that Raquel deserves this. She might not be PMOY material in any year, but given 2012's inconsistency and lack of true star power (same as with 2011's wobbly class), I'd have to agree with fans here.

As always, it's a travesty to see PMOY's given less and less of a chance to showcase their talents in encore performances each season. 2013 is by far the most shockingly meager of them all, with a pathetic six-photo set that looks dismally overproduced. Photo number 4 (posted above) is the one out of the lot that would really force my hand in changing my PMOY vote, but not quite.

Still, a hearty congrats to Raquel!

Losing Direction

Alyssa, Miss July 2013

There's obviously been one consistent, recurring theme when you take a look at Playboy magazine's material for the last several months, basically from the beginning of this 2013 class. It can be summed up like this: bad photography with good models. The talent has not been stellar, but the production value has been dismal.


I've always put a lot of weight on the actual material produced for a Playmate's portfolio. A great bit of production value can take a potentially mediocre posing talent and produce something wondrous. The key really is to keep it rather simple - all a great model needs is a little glamor makeup, a touch of rouge and dark lipstick, a nice set of black lingerie, and a bedroom with some ruffled sheets. Then, let her go at it. She'll writhe and flip, lay on her chest, lift her legs, and with some even lighting it looks spectacular. It was a simple, effective formula for years. And it's been thrown to the wind in favor of some really poor concepts.

The new generation of photographers, namely Sasha Eisenmann, are taking things to an overcomplicated level. It's shown time and time again, with Audrey Allen, Ashley Doris, and Shawn Dillon, we've seen more focus on props and photographic filtering tricks rather than the gorgeous nudity of those gifted ladies. Unfortunately, we see more of the same with Miss July, Alyssa Arcè.

Alyssa's breasts and
legs give her 2013's
best body

With Alyssa, we have a solid model with an awesomely attractive body who we will sadly never get to know. Why's that? It's because her photo set is abysmal. I mean, terrible. It doesn't seem to scratch the very surface of Alyssa's skill set, putting her in everything but an intimate setting to showcase her skill.

There seems to be an obsession with thematic motifs for Eisenmann's pictorials, obviously. His misguided mind throws this project into disarray from the very start. Miss Arcè can be found doing just about everything but looking natural and relaxed, taking on a character of a flag girl at a race.

Now, I like this girl, I really do. In the photos with her hair pulled back and the fishnet cutoff top, she looks amiable and beautiful. The lighting is even, and the costuming is cute, with those checkerboard leggings allowing her to show some more-than-decent height (which she has, at 5'8"). But the pictorial doesn't go far enough, putting her in artificial poses throughout. When she goes full-frontal on the racetrack, the tailpipe smoke lens effect is just terribly misused. How much do we have to express this? WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PICTORIAL THEME. Give us a non-artsy-fartsy setting with a comfortable model, and it all comes together beautifully. Instead, half of the photos have Alyssa donning hot pants and large shades, obscuring anything we might dare learn about this girl.

It's a shame, since Alyssa is one of the prettiest, most accessible models of 2013. She's not a fancy girl, and not a fully glamorous one either. She seems comfortable in her own skin, and probably has what is the best body in the class so far. In what little you actually get to see of her figure, you can tell that this lady's got something to offer. If only...

• Face: B
  While Alyssa is definitely physically gifted, in this year of memorable and intriguing faces, Alyssa falls short by a lot. It could be a slight result of the pictorial not conveying enough about this girl, and the disastrous decision to take half of Alyssa's photos with clunky sunglasses on her face, but she's just not someone that will stay in your mind because of her big eyes or pearly grin.
• Body: A
  What Alyssa lacks in facial beauty, she makes up for in droves with her awesome physique. This girl is not paper-thin, and at 120 lbs, you see where it all goes (to the right places). Her hourglass figure is quite apparent, with easily the best Playmate breasts since Shelby Chesnes. They're visibly natural and hang away from her body beautifully, and when the shadows catch them just the right way, it's heavenly. Not too shabby an ass either, but not enough footage of it available.
• Talent: B+
  Alyssa never gets to truly flex her muscles in her pictorial set, so it's not simple to make a judgement with only that as an indicator. Once you dig in to her videos, you realize that her movement is fluid, and her bubbly personality really makes her a fun shoot. This is a girl who loves to take her sleek body for a ride, so she's minimally at fault for the finished product here.
• Pictorial: B-
  You have a model here with loads of potential, probably the best physique of the year, and a level of energy that could make her a true dynamo in a sexual, intimate setting. What do you do? You squander every bit of it, and then some. You lay a complete egg, showing ineptitude of massive proportions. This is a terrible pictorial, showing off more car than woman, akin to Shawn's "ship-torial." I was left dumbfounded as to how little artistry can be shown when shooting an obviously pretty girl. 
• Centerfold: B+
  This is a decent shot, although not in my favorite pictorial setting (the red scarf on the racetrack might have been better suited for a centerfold). The colors and the even lighting are nice, and Alyssa's cheerful personality come through. I do like the costuming, showing off her good size.
• Overall: B+
  The 21-year old Alyssa is another above average talent in the 2013 class, that sadly has been mishandled to the point where it hurts her final score. It's a sad reality in this era in Playboy's history, where we're seeing some really poor decisions from the magazine's management, but it's how it goes. Miss Arcè is physically the most superior model of the year, with her balanced and voluptuous body providing a look at some of the most palpably natural set of breasts in years. She comes across amazingly in videos, but it's her photo set that really hurts. It's something that slides Alyssa into the middle of the pack for the PMOY race, although she certainly will have fans that will look at her solely for the model she is.

Tiny Wonder, Sasha's Blunder

Audrey, Miss June

As we reflect back on the first half of the 2013 Playmate class, we can safely say we've seen some of the most intense controversy among fans that we've seen in years. It's all a byproduct of Playboy's push to bring in fresh blood to the photographer and editor model, and the passing of the torch, as I've written in previous months, has not  gone smoothly to say the least.

Sasha Eisenmann was particularly skewered for her photo set of Ashley Doris, Miss March. I personally think Ashley is the best one of the bunch so far. She's simply the best looking and most skilled Playmate when she's given free reign. I didn't mind Eisenmann's pictorial too much, as it was panned by most. The pictorial really introduced Sasha's style to a fault, looking to most too immature and underdeveloped, never giving the model a semblance of a personality. That same style is pervasive in our newest Playmate.

Miss June is Audrey Aleen Allen, a.k.a. Audrey Andelise, who appeared in a duo of pictorials released around the same time as her sister, Anna's. Audrey's spunky coed looks conjured up a zestful fanbase who cried out for the young model to become a Playmate, against reason that would say she doesn't quite seem ready. And lo and behold, we have Miss June.

Really, there's one thing that really characterizes Audrey: her extremely short and petite body. She's very tiny (5'2"), and the shortest girl since Amy Leigh Andrews. What makes her very different from Amy, though, is that she photographs short, while Miss Andrews always looked pretty long and voluptuous in the camera lens. What brings out the obvious lack of height is Audrey's very short legs, such that her torso is longer in proportion to her overall size.

Audrey's small size
is very evident

While she is definitely small, Audrey has a killer body. It always looks steely and strong, and its compactness lends to a nice, juicy size that really comes across beautifully. She's not busty, but her B cups appear closer to C's as her bustline is on the broader side of 34 inches. While her body might not be instantly memorable, it's nearly perfect for a small model like her, akin to Angela Little.

Physically, Audrey is extremely photogenic, with a cute, bubbly face sporting a gorgeously accessible smile. Her youth and energy are hard not to capture in every photo, although a lack of mature and truly sexual posing is obvious.  This is definitely a model that could use a few years under her belt to flower into a real Playmate-worthy entry, and it sadly shows throughout. You'll never be "wowed" by Audrey, and so she's one that could ultimately fade.

And then, there's the pictorial. Sasha Eisenmann won't win any new fans with this one, if they were already put off by his portrayal (or mis-portrayal) of Ashley. When a photographer looks a model, they really should focus on how not to portray her, as much as what is appropriate for the subject. Sasha basically misses the point in the same exact way as before: he sets the stage, overcoaching and overanalyzing shots, without allowing for room to breathe, or any bit of varied posing. Audrey is always upright and stiff throughout her photos, with outfits galore that never explore her darker side (and we know every model has one).

• Face: A
  We've seen some really beautiful faces so far this year, certainly above average. Audrey continues that trend with probably the most beautiful smile of the class so far. Shawn Dillon had a winning mug, but never got to exhibit it like Audrey has. While her lovely blue eyes are never given much of a chance, you can't help but love this model's youthful innocence by way of a light, friendly smirk.
• Body: B+
  Again, Audrey's body won't win any awards for its ability to drop jaws and get the drool flowing. She's not a leggy, boob-heavy model that has hourglass curvature. What she does have is a short, powerful body with iron clad abs and a hard, natural shape. Her proportions are perfect, and the cute petiteness really lends itself to her college girl persona.
• Talent: B
  Will the real Audrey Allen please stand up? Or better yet, do something besides just standing. What we see in her performances, whether you blame the production or photographer, is some rather passive posing with a potential for much more. Audrey never exudes a powerful sexual tone in a single one of her photos. Sometimes, you want a "too-cute" Playmate like this to strap on some garter belts, climb onto a bed, and stick her hand between her thighs. I know, most Playmates never get close to that, but Audrey stays far, far from it.
• Pictorial: B
  Sasha Eisenmann isn't going to quell any critics' complaints about his having a complete lack of skill. He's not a single bit crafty here, taking a perfectly beautiful subject and putting her in painfully obvious settings - on the beach, pulling off a bikini, looking unnatural and restrained. Eisenmann's style is evident here, where he treats the subject as an interchangeable object that never gets to freely pose. Photos are over-exposed and painfully sunlit, without highlighting Audrey's powerful midsection or taking advantage of her smaller size with some more compact shots. Give it credit for being fun and colorful, but overall just a poor effort.
• Centerfold: B
  I didn't really appreciate what they were going for with this centerfold shot. Audrey's contortion is a nice departure from the pictorial set, but it doesn't capture anything to augment the model here. I always prefer a full-frontal in a centerfold.
• Overall: B+
  When all's said and done, the lack of foresight and expertise in treating this model with respect is too much for her to overcome. Audrey is ultimately a strange entry at this point, midway through the class. She isn't a particularly skilled Playmate at all, in fact quite the opposite. She doesn't have any bit of exotic appeal, and lines up strangely right after a pure blonde bombshell in Kristen Nicole. Still, she could have been something if we saw her in a more mature light, a peek in the bedroom or what not. It seems that Playboy, with its new strategy in releasing portions of a pictorial in several phases online and in print, could find a way to inject more variety, and to exhibit a couple different sides of each model. Instead, we get this... an incomplete picture of an underdeveloped model. Keep searching, guys.

What a Doll!

Kristen, Miss May

While the 2013 Playmate Class has been bereft of really seminal talent, one cannot deny that it has been lacking some pretty good storylines. By good, I mean we would rather they not exist at all, but since they do, it's good fodder for a blog, per sé.

From the first third of the year, we haven't found anyone truly of note. Currently, the frontrunners seem to be March's Ashley Doris and April's Jaslyn Ome, both with contrasting styles but similarities in their diverse backgrounds. The real backstory, though, has been the photography. Playboy has been experimenting with newcomers for the past few months, and in doing so, has hit some turbulence from fans that they're still trying to navigate.

The magazine honchos graced us with Stephen Wayda's presence for Jaslyn's pictorial set, which harkened back to the good ol' days and gave us the best photos so far. So with Playboy tossing a bone to its fans, how would they continue the charge toward the new generation of photographers, while maintaining satisfaction?

Kristen's bottomless
video is sinfully fun

Enter Miss May, the aptly named Kristen Nicole. A vague, anonymous modeling pseudonym that fits the subject quite nicely, actually. The photographer assigned to Miss Nicole is Josh Ryan - certainly not a newbie, but not on the caliber of the Freytags or Waydas, either. While Kristen is not going to break much ground in terms of Playmate progress and put a real mark on this year, she'll contribute to the overall quality and continue some good momentum after a pair of great models.

While viewing Ryan's pictorial, you can't help but notice its sheer quality, but also wonder how much more depth could be exhibited by this model. Kristen is a fine girl, who's strikingly photogenic. She's a marvel in photographs, looking lean and mean, always with some sharp facial expressions focused around her smoky gaze. She's a pleasure to view, and when you take a look at her magazine pictorial (rather than her paltry Playboy Plus offering), you really notice the variety here. The settings, the costuming, and the production are definitely on par with the previous month.

But let's talk for a minute about the subject here. Kristen isn't a once-in-a-decade talent by any means. At first perusal, she appears to be a born swimsuit model, better off gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated instead. Even her frame and body type is totally suited to the runway, with great 5' 9" size and a very slim torso, sporting a great set of breasts. She's all at once a Barbie doll and a woman who tries to carve out some sort of identity, and does so with some fascinating shots.

Also, you'd be remiss if you don't acknowledge Kristen's innate style and penchant for sexual, potent posing. Need proof? Watch her Playmate video. With that tight red dress, she goes "bottomless," showing off some scandalous poses as she kneels down to the ground. She coyly exposes her quite large labia, looking tantalizing and showing off a side that Playmates of late have not dared to expose.

• Face: A-
  Kristen may be a quintessential "Hefmate" template at first glance, but beneath that is some real substance, and it starts with her gorgeous face. It won't leave a lasting impression, but she is just really great to take in, and has a million dollar smile that looks fantastic in stills. Her eyes belie a very youthful innocence that is really intriguing.
• Body: B+
  Kristen's body can have some harsh lines when photographed head-on, and can look a bit awkward due to her excessive slimness at times. Don't let that detract from her silhouette from the side, where her ample curves are positively marvelous. She is the "Barbie doll" in real-life form, looking long and lean, with sizable boobs (sometimes a little "too" perky) and nary a crease in sight. She's as sleek and flawless as they come, and looks a bit artificial as a result.
• Talent: A
  You only need to take one look at her video to see just how active and physical a poser Kristen is. Let's not get carried away - this isn't a Hall of Fame caliber skill level we're talking about. Nonetheless, she has a penchant for continuous movement, and looks great doing what she does. It also helps that Miss Nicole isn't bashful, letting her figure and sumptuous private parts speak for themselves.
• Pictorial: B+
  While the star performance lies in her video feature, Kristen doesn't truly "wow" through her picture set. We saw a magnificent entry with Jaslyn last month, and this one came up a bit short in its production value. Although the variety of settings and poses was definitely satisfactory, with some nice sunlit pictures in her magazine set, and an impeccable handful of well-posed beachfront shots, she doesn't get into a rhythm, and fails at showcasing her beauty.
• Centerfold: A-
  Kristen is a very sexual girl, but it doesn't come across in this photo one bit. It's wrong, but also oh so right, showing off the finest angle of this model. The side shot is drool worthy, and her look just says it all.
• Overall: A-
  Simply put, Kristen is a strong Playmate entry with an extremely camera-friendly appearance and a solid collection of material. She will probably fit into the chapters of Playboy lore reserved for middling blond Playmates, but she's more complex than that. She carries a more mature presence, and happens to be the most talented woman so far in the 2013 class. Although Ashley Doris put on a good show, it's Kristen that lets it all hang out in a way that is almost dizzying. With a stronger material set, she could have really grabbed the reins here. 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Speaking of Playmates... the PMOY reveal is upon us! Playboy has sent this teaser pic with the May issue, and speculation says that it's probably Raquel Pomplun.

Given the landslide support for Shelby, this would be quite the disappointment!