Monday, January 25, 2010

2010 Playmate of the Year Candidates

When we look back on the last Playmate class of the decade, we can easily say that it has been one of the best we've seen in years. That means one thing -- there will be no doubt that the race for 2010's Playmate of the Year will be the tightest and most hotly debated in recent memory. People will have all sorts of opinions, and for good reason. There are several ladies this year that can compete for the top prize, and the most coveted in the Playboy realm. It should be a very exciting one to follow. Anyway, here are my rankings of the Playmates of 2009. I've taken a departure from the normal way I've done it in the past; instead of listing by month, I'll count them down from #12 to #1.

#12
Jennifer Pershing - Miss March 2009
Somers Point, NJ, USA | 35-27-37 | 5' 8" | 125 lbs.

Early 2009 featured the biggest blemish on the 2009 Playmate season, with Jennifer Pershing. Jen offered nearly nothing to the table, taking on an ultra rock-star look that was flat and uninteresting.
The Good: Being at the bottom of the heap in Playmate rankings, you can't really hope to find a whole lot that is positive about Jennifer. You have to hand it to Playboy for trying to create a longer, more expansive pictorial that is more interesting, with a consistent theme.
The Bad: Jennifer is simply a girl who lacks any Playmate-type talent whatsoever. Her face is constantly plastered with a riddled, confused look with curious wide eyes. Her body is completely uninteresting, and is of a pale, boring color. She is simply not even close when it comes to being a true contender for any sort of award or accolade for the year.
Consensus...
Face: C
Body: C+
Talent: C-
Pictorial: B-
Overall: C-

#11
Crystal Harris - Miss December 2009
Lake Havasu City, AZ, USA | 34D-25-35 | 5' 6" | 124 lbs.

Closing out the year is an honor bestowed to some stellar Playmates of the past, and usually on special occasion. December Playmates are sometimes fitted with a theme or gimmick, but none was more of a sideshow than this year's final lady, Crystal Harris. Hugh Hefner's new leading lady was anything but the leader of the pack in the Playmate world, and we all shudder to think that maybe she has an edge on the PMOY race because of her fame.
The Good: There's not much good to say about Crystal, but if you must choose her high points, it's that she is a decent poser when she doesn't try too hard. When her passive posing mode is on, she looks mildly elegant, and her pictorial's lighting captures her body well. However, that only takes her so far.
The Bad: Crystal is by far one of the worst Playmates of 2009, and there are several reasons why. Her face is angular, and its structure is not attractive in many photos. Also, her body is an absolute disaster - a smorgasbord of plastic surgery mishaps and strange alterations. Her breasts, for example, look like mounds of plastic, and her entire body is just engineered to be "model-like." It's an absolute atrocity, combined with the fact that she has zero posing talent whatsoever. In fact, she simply holds an identical pose throughout. Definitely not even close to PMOY talent.
Consensus...
Face: C
Body: C
Talent: B-
Pictorial: B-
Overall: C+

#9 and 10
Karissa Shannon - Miss July 2009
Kristina Shannon - Miss August 2009
Ann Arbor, MI, USA | 34B-26-34 | 5' 10" | 125 lbs.

Who knows why -- the recession? Poor magazine sales in general? During the summer, Playboy decided to take a short hiatus and release a July-August double issue, with twin Playmates to take up some space. Not only were they Playmates, but they were some of Hugh Hefner's new gal pals. The Shannon twins were not the worst we've seen, but they certainly were not anything to write home about.
The Good: One thing that made the Shannon twins decently interesting was the fact that they do have a nice level of chemistry with each other. They are the most physical Playmate twins outside of the Bernaolas of 2000. They have a flirty nature in photographs, and even take it to a risque level at times. If they were only more attractive in general, their posing talent wouldn't be as easily overlooked.
The Bad: This brings us to the main issue... the looks. The Shannon twins are unfortunate archetypes of the modern model; tall, unbearably thin, and featureless. Their bodies resemble a barren desert, with small breasts, butts that are too tiny (unless they really concentrate on getting them attention), and generally boring faces. In short, the Shannons can easily join Crystal Harris as a couple of other Hefmate "busts" that should also have a shot at PMOY.
Consensus...
Face: B
Body: B-
Talent: B
Pictorial: B-
Overall: B-

#8
Hope Dworaczyk - Miss April 2009
Port Lavaca, TX, USA | 34C-24-35 | 5' 6" | 126 lbs.

Many will be shocked to find Hope in a spot so low on my annual rankings - after all, she is a major fan favorite and one of the frontrunners in many polls out there. However, Hope's material really didn't dazzle me at all. In fact, I think she was wholly underutilized in her photos. I'll say it again: a model is only as good as her material shows, and I never ever judge on hypotheticals.
The Good: Hope demonstrates how deep this Playmate class really is. At #8, she is still a true contender for PMOY. Her slenderness and appealing height are a big draw, and her proportions while still being at such a model-like height are impressive. Add in the fact that she is leggy and radiant, and you have several great qualities and a potential to be a really stunning Playmate.
The Bad: The problem? Hope has only that: potential. Her pictorial was much less than stunning. She isn't a consistent poser at all, and her face often comes out strangely in her photos. Her pictorial ends on a strange and weak note (the basketball shots), and she never really takes off, taking too many prone shots and not enough that accentuate her height.
Consensus...
Face: B-
Body: B+
Talent: B
Pictorial: B-
Overall: B

#7
Crystal McCahill - Miss May 2009
River Forest, IL, USA | 34DD-26-34 | 5' 7" | 125 lbs.

Crystal was another good entry in the 2009 class, strengthening the overall makeup of the group but not offering anything to really shine through. Crystal's lineage (her mother was 1968's Gale Olsen) was the primary factor putting her in this spot, but it was deserved nonetheless. Her photos are a pleasure to see, even though you may not walk away starstruck.
The Good: Crystal is an all-around good Playmate; nothing spectacular, but she's busty and curvy and offers a bit of eye candy because of her voluptuousness. Her larger 125 lb. frame makes her a different sort of Playmate than the others of the year, with a little more woman to look at. Her face is also attractive at times, but the inconsistency in her photos makes it tough for her to truly break through.
The Bad: Crystal isn't the most talented poser there has been this year, and her photos don't flow well enough to truly be memorable. She is a bit of an awkward poser in some of her shots. Also, her face has some stronger, more pronounced angles that aren't always very photogenic, so she loses some grace points there. Again, it's not that she ever does a truly terrible job, but she falls to the lower half of the class due to her lack of spark.
Consensus...
Face: B-
Body: B
Talent: B
Pictorial: B
Overall: B

#6
Candice Cassidy - Miss June 2009
Portsmouth, OH, USA | 34C-24-36 | 5' 9" | 125 lbs.

A former Cyber Girl in 2006, Candice came onto the scene this year, and frankly I had pretty low expectations for her performance. Boy, was I in for a surprise. Candice is a true testament to how deep the 2009 class is, as she starts out my top half, but could easily place in the top 3 in most other years. Candice is bubbly and delightful, and slim and toned but yet curvy and sultry. A very welcome addition, and an excellent pick to become a Playmate.
The Good: Candice's body is tough to compare to other Playmates in recent times. She has a tall frame, but has enough curviness to not come off as too slim. Her breasts are of ample size, but her butt is simply awesome. Her true strength, though, is not in her body (which is very well toned, by the way), but in her photogenic appearance. Her angelic face combined with her bright blond image makes her a true joy to look at, and her posing talent is certainly far above average. Her pictorial is varied and the themes are awesome, so she pulls off a wonderful month.
The Bad: Even at #6 this year, there's not a whole lot to complain about. However, if you have to know, Candice doesn't have the true starpower to place higher. Although she's amazing to look at, she doesn't have the memorable quality to allow her to truly make an impression. Her body could be a bit more curvy because she has such an elongated frame. Also, some of her full-frontal, bleached out shots come off as a bit unattractive because the cause her skin to look a bit pale. Still, a wonderful model overall.
Consensus...
Face: B+
Body: B+
Talent: B+
Pictorial: A-
Overall: B+

#5
Lindsey Gayle Evans - Miss October 2009
Paris, TX, USA | 34C-24-36 | 5' 10" | 125 lbs.

At first glance, Lindsey Evans may look like your average blond Playmate. Though a bit more polished and poised, she still seems to be an average talent. However, when you look deeper, you see a girl who has the potential to even make a run at the 2010 PMOY title. That's how good Lindsey is, and it's not really only her looks that take her so far. It's more than that: it's the entire package.
The Good: There has been no Playmate pictorial in 2009 as intriguing, consistent, and complete as Lindsey's. You can credit a large part of it to her talent, but you also have to give props to the Playboy editors and photographers for their stellar work. Every photo has Lindsey at her best: her best poses, the best lighting, the most radiant colors emanating from her smooth body. The thematic quality is consistently great, constantly shifting, and most importantly, taking advantage of Lindsey's incredible height. Along those lines, Lindsey's body is nothing to sniff at. The sheer length of her legs is amazing, and is captured very well in her pictures. Her face, notably her eyes, is very intriguing, and she puts it all together with golden, flowing hair.
The Bad: Again, this class is so deep that some nitpicking is needed to find things wrong with the stellar models. However, although Lindsey's pictorial is very good, her posing isn't always on par. An awkward shot here and there can ruin her momentum, and as a model, she doesn't always play to her strengths, which lie along her length. She sometimes tries to contort too much to expose her width, which is certainly not what she should be highlighting. At times, her facial expressions can be sleepy and disinterested, ruining the shot.
Consensus...
Face: B+
Body: B+
Talent: B+
Pictorial: A+
Overall: A-

#4
Kelley Thompson - Miss November 2009
Tyler, TX, USA | 34D-25-34 | 5' 6" | 115 lbs.

As we approach the top of the heap in this year's Playmate crop, we find a girl who came on late in the year to truly strengthen the class and make a big impression. Kelley was yet another hot Texan in the group, this time a brunette with a magnetic photogenic quality and an outstanding body and posing style. Her innocent looks and wide-eyed enthusiasm carried her through the year, as did her appeal with fans.
The Good: Kelley's greatest strength is her beautiful face. With her picturesque smile as she shines those pearly whites, you could just die and go to heaven. With that very girl-next-door luster and her polished looks, when it's coupled with a curvy, buxom body, it's a recipe for a wonderful Playmate. Kelley does it best when she's not trying too hard - she doesn't have many "hard" features that don't look good on camera, and so she passively poses like an absolute pro. On top of all this, Kelley's pictorial has a lot of variety, complete with poses in all different settings and outfits. She does a great job of being comfortable in her own skin, and her innate charm makes her a very viable PMOY candidate.
The Bad: It's Kelley's overall cute and shiny persona that gets her very far in this ranking, because in the pure posing skill department, she is certainly lacking. Kelley's pictorial was very good because of just how she looks, as well as the production value. However, she simply doesn't have the true skills to be able to hit a variety of poses consistently. As I said, she's a great passive poser, and when she sits back and lets the photos come to her, she's great because of her soft features. But, when she tries too hard, it shows, and ultimately leads to some pretty awkward photos and poses. Also, while her curvy body is very sexy, it often tapers strangely at the thighs, and her face looks odd because of her slightly larger forehead. When it's covered up by her beautiful hair, this flaw is hardly noticeable.
Consensus...
Face: A+
Body: A-
Talent: B
Pictorial: B+
Overall: A-

#3
Dasha Astafieva - Miss January 2009
Ordzhonikidze, Ukraine | 34D-23-36 | 5' 7" | 121 lbs.

Playboy's much-publicized and long awaited 55th Anniversary Playmate search ended with the selection of a girl who was on the company's radar for some time - Dasha Astafieva. The Ukrainian starlet was known to be a heavy favorite in the race as it neared its end, and rightfully so. Although fans were disappointed that the so-called "race" to become Miss 55 was all a sham, Dasha was a far superior choice to anyone else who had competed in the contest. Dasha also brings an intangible element that is sorely missing from the American Playboy scene - the European charm that captures the imagination.
The Good: Dasha employs a European posing style that is completely different from the straightforward nude posing that is employed by American Playmates. She is often artistic and thought provoking in her shots, bringing on an edginess and graceful magnificence that no other girl has brought this year. Her photos are stunning pieces of art, and her body shines in them. Dasha is goddess-like, with a very well-toned and well-proportioned body that is tanned to perfection, complete with exotic and unique facial features that make her incomparable to anyone you've ever seen. Combine the sharp, chiseled body with that engaging personality, and you have a legend in the making. When it comes to pure, unadulterated talent with a fearless penchant for pushing the envelope, Dasha may be the best we've seen in years.
The Bad: Although many might disagree with my placement of Dasha at #3 and not 1, I have an explanation for it, and it goes hand in hand with why I like her performance in the first place. Dasha is wildly talented, but also leaves you wanting more. By the end of her pictorial, you are left still wondering who she is and what she truly has to offer, and she comes off as a bit of a "gimmick" Playmate. She is very artistic, but doesn't really deliver the basic poses that allow you to simply enjoy her body and form. Instead, she is erratic, pulling off tough scenes to impress, but not quite satisfying. It's this that keeps Dasha from truly being the best PMOY candidate. If her pictorial were only a bit longer, it could be very different.
Consensus...
Face: A
Body: A
Talent: A+
Pictorial: B+
Overall: A

#2
Kimberly Phillips - Miss September 2009
Fountain Valley, CA, USA | 34-25-35 | 5' 8" | 125 lbs.

The best way to describe the appearance of my #2 Playmate is two words: All-American. Kimberly is a Playmate who defines the modern vision of a woman, and what features we value in a feminine figure: a tall, leggy redhead, carefully manicured, and oddly curvaceous given her height. Couple that with a wry, infectious smile and an incredible ability to pose given a light autumn theme, and we have one of the breakthrough performances of the year for any Playboy model. Kim was probably the most surprising Playmate of 2009; given the limited hype surrounding her, she gave one of the finest performances we've ever seen. She showed true bonafide starpower in every single shot, but the best part is, you didn't even know it.
The Good: In a year where Dasha dazzled and the Shannon twins crooned for the camera, it was Kimberly's straightforward, fundamental performance that truly stole the show. Kim is a breathtaking model whose body is too good to be true: textbook measurements with a decent 5'8" frame make her a runway model with perfectly proportioned breasts. A slim, tight figure that's both athletic and charming is coupled with one of the most intriguing faces of the year. Kim's squinty eyes almost smile at you, and when she shoots a look over, they absolutely mesmerize. Combine that with a gorgeous half-smile, and you have looks to kill. On top of that, she has a wonderful pictorial that truly highlights every single one of her strengths, and variety to boot. When it's all put together, Kim makes the ultimate statement of what a modern American model should look and act like: no frills, just awesome talent.
The Bad: It's hard to find any flaws in Kimberly's technique or looks, but her pictorial could definitely be a little more varied in its thematic qualities. Still, you can understand that given the time of year (the Fall season), they were trying to go for a specific motif here. Aside from that, it's tough to say that Kim should be any better. She carved out a perfect identity for herself and stuck with it wonderfully.
Consensus...
Face: A
Body: A
Talent: A
Pictorial: A-
Overall: A

#1
Jessica Burciaga - Miss February 2009
Santa Fe Springs, CA, USA | 32C-24-34 | 5' 2" | 110 lbs.

The start of 2009 was a great time - and from the huge influx of ladies that came out of the 55th Anniversary Playmate search, there were stars littered all over the place. These girls are what made '09 such a great year, filled with talent from that contest. The greatest to come out of it all, however, was a byproduct none other than Jessica Burciaga. The Latina flavored goddess was Miss February, right after Dasha showed how to kick a year off in style. However, it was Jessica who, for me, truly stole the show from the onset. Although I haven't written much about her before, I will say it here - Jessica has starpower, combined with a body for the ages. Add to that an acute sense of modern style and a hard-edged sensuality, and you have the Playmate of the Year. Or, at least my favorite. Are there girls more talented than Jess this year? Yes, like Dasha or maybe even Lindsay. Are there gals with better bodies? Sure. But is there anyone who brings it all together with the moves and style that she has? Not even close.
The Good: Like I mentioned, Jessica is the full package when it comes to the modern Playmate. She is the sheer definition of the new Playmate - with a mixed heritage that shows off the best of all the nationalities of which she was built. Her face sparkles, and her stare is magnificent. Her pictorial plays to her strengths, and her small size is accentuated in all the right ways (she's the shortest of the bunch for 2009). The best thing about Jess, however, is the way she moves that curvaceous body. Her body is voluptuous because of her shorter frame, and so she works it well. One look at her Playmate Jukebox video feature, and you'll be a believer. She just flows from scene to scene with immaculate precision, and has an attitude throughout. And it's that attitude that makes her the best Playmate of 2009.
The Bad: The one thing that keeps Jessica from being a huge hit with all audiences is her weak pictorial performance. You can tell that she knows how to pose incredibly well, and that she is undeniably photogenic. However, her pictorial does come short in terms of pure, quality material. It just doesn't measure up to the quality of, say, Lindsay Evans. However, as a model, she has enough substance to overcome that, and then some.
Consensus...
Face: A
Body: A
Talent: A+
Pictorial: A-
Overall: A

So there's my ranking, cut in stone, in all its glory. There shouldn't be any major surprises, and polls show that my top three are certainly in the thick of the hunt. The top three are definitely above the rest, with Dasha being a wonderful breath of fresh air, Kimberly possibly being the ultimate fan favorite, and Jessica capturing the hearts of many. Ultimately, it was Jessica who had the best all-around performance to vault her over the edge, but it'll be an awful close race.

So, as we say goodbye to an amazing Class of '09, we can only hope that next year's group can be half as good!
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Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Top 5 Classes of the Decade

With the decade coming to an end, it's probably most appropriate to take a look back on the 2000-2009 years and reflect on the leading ladies of the Playboyworld: the Playmates. I like to look at each year of Playmates as a "class," and the ebb and flow of any year's class is important in defining how good that year was for Playboy fans. So, without further ado, let's take a look at the top five overall Playmate classes of the 2000's.

#5: Class of 2007
(A) January: Jayde Nicole ~ PMOY 2008
(B+) February: Heather Rene Smith
(B+) March: Tyran Richard
(B) April: Giuliana Marino
(B+) May: Shannon James
(A) June: Brittany Binger
(B) July: Tiffany Selby
(B) August: Tamara Sky
(B-) September: Patrice Hollis
(B+) October: Spencer Scott
(B+) November: Lindsay Wagner
(C) December: Sasckya Porto

The Class of '07 wasn't ridden with big names or huge stars. However, it did stand as one of the most talent-laden classes across the board, as you'll see with many of the top rated classes. The PMOY race was tight and interesting, with an excellent final choice in Jayde Nicole. The class was bookended by major fan favorite Spencer Scott, as well as the exotic Brittany Binger, but the real highlight was the consistency of the ladies, with quality showings from Shannon James, Lindsay Wagner, and Tyran Richard.

#4: Class of 2001
(B) January: Irina Voronina
(B+) February: Lauren Michelle Hill
(B) March: Miriam Gonzalez
(C+) April: Katie Lohmann
(A) May: Crista Nicole
(B) June: Heather Spytek
(B) July: Kimberley Stanfield
(A+) August: Jennifer Walcott
(A-) September: Dalene Kurtis ~ PMOY 2002
(B) October: Stephanie Heinrich
(A) November: Lindsey Vuolo
(B+) December: Shanna Moakler

The Class of 2001 wasn't without its hitches, but some very good singular talents are enough to rank it as #4. Jennifer Walcott is obviously one of my top 25 ladies, as is startlingly wonderful Crista Nicole. Dalene Kurtis is regarded by many as one of the finest ever, and Lindsey Vuolo rounded off the truly seminal talents of the year. Add to that Lauren Hill and Shanna Moakler, and you've got some decent depth in there, too.

#3: Class of 2003
(B) January: Rebecca Ramos
(C+) February: Charis Boyle
(A) March: Pennelope Jimenez
(A+) April: Carmella DeCesare ~ PMOY 2004
(B+) May: Laurie Jo Fetter
(A-) June: Tailor James
(B) July: Marketa Janska
(B) August: Colleen Marie
(B) September: Luci Victoria
(B-) October: Audra Lynn
(B+) November: Divini Rae
(A) December: Teles Twins

The Playmate Class of 2003 was also not the smoothest in terms of year-round talent, but there were girls that truly left their mark. The headliner, of course, was the A+ performance of PMOY Carmella DeCesare, backed up by wonderful debuts by Pennelope Jimenez and the luscious Teles Twins. The depth towards the latter half of the year was provided by the great Tailor James and buxom Divini Rae, with some other assorted ladies balancing out a year without a whole lot of duds, to say the least.

#2: Class of 2009
(A) January: Dasha Astafieva ~ 55th Anniversary Playmate
(A) February: Jessica Burciaga
(C+) March: Jennifer Pershing
(B) April: Hope Dworaczyk
(B+) May: Crystal McCahill
(B+) June: Candice Cassidy
(B) July: Karissa Shannon
(B) August: Kristina Shannon
(A) September: Kimberly Phillips
(A-) October: Lindsey Gayle Evans
(A) November: Kelley Thompson
(B-) December: Crystal Harris

Here's where our most recent 2009 class belongs. As I've said throughout the year, we've got a fine crop of girls this year, and when you stack them up against the competition, it shows. There were no knockout, legendary performances, but Dasha Astafieva's exotic beauty, Jessica Burciaga's sharp sense of style, and Kimberly Phillips' incredible poise rounded off a fantastic set to carry the group. The depth is incredible, with Kelley Thompson, Lindsey Gayle Evans, and several others lending a helping hand. The "Hefmates," including the wasteful double issue involving the Shannon twins, wasn't even enough to derail this special year. Cheers!

#1: Class of 2000
(A) January: Bernaola Twins
(A) February: Suzanne Stokes
(B+) March: Nicole Lenz
(A-) April: Brande Roderick ~ PMOY 2001
(A+) May: Brooke Berry
(A+) June: Shannon Stewart
(A-) July: Neferteri Shepherd
(B) August: Summer Altice
(B-) September: Kerissa Fare
(A) October: Nichole Van Croft
(A-) November: Buffy Tyler
(B) December: Cara Michelle

Still, not even a year such as 2009 could take away from the debut class of the decade, the Class of 2000. I believe it's arguably the best class in Playboy history, but it stacks up well against the girls of the late 90's. Brooke Berry and Shannon Stewart are veritable Playboy icons. Add in the busty Nichole Van Croft, Bernola twins, and Suzanne Stokes, and there is a serious wealth of talent to go around. But not stopping there and having Buffy Tyler, Nicole Lenz, Brande Roderick (who stole away the PMOY title), and the highly underrated Neferteri Shepherd in there, it's absurd how good the year 2000 truly was. Good job to Playboy for ringing in the decade with a bang and letting it go out the same way!

It sure was a great ten years… and it will be an incredible ten years to come!

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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Out With A Whimper

Playboy's fans and I have been raving all year long about how amazing 2009's Playmate class has been. The ladies have been absolutely stellar, with a mix of all sorts of girls and a great array of unusual talent. As soon as I heard, however, that Hugh Hefner's new favorite girlfriend would be featured as Miss December, I knew that the year wasn't going to end on a high note.

I was right, and so was everyone else in the Playboy world.

Enter Crystal Harris, a bubbly plastic mold of a woman who is Miss December 2009. December Playmate is a major title in Playboy history -- it's a month where the magazine tries to end things with a sultry, sexy
touch, with pictorials themed with Christmas charm and sensuous wintry themes. This month, they got it all backward.

In a year with 1/4 of the girls being "Hefmates," (the Shannon twins and now Crystal) it's got to be held up by some other fine ladies in order not to be a landslide towards the robed one's favorites. Crystal is an utter disaster of a Playmate: she's overly artificial, looks extremely forgettable, has horrific plastic surgery, and just doesn't look all that good naked. In fact, Crystal is a girl who looks like she's "always" naked, which takes away from that sultry charm that Playmates have when they're nude. She's like a porn star, and totally lacks any charm or sophistication that makes a girl a Playboy bunny.

While having a decently sexy body, bronzed and lean, Crystal makes up for it by being relatively ditzy in her photos. She strikes awkward poses while not really ever changing her facial expression or letting any of her strengths do the talking. Her strengths are few and far between, but involve her not letting herself do a whole lot of posing, and instead being passive, like in this decent photo.

Crystal has a train wreck of a body when you compare her to elite Playmates of 2009. Her breasts are the biggest dealbreaker, looking extremely fake and like small inflated balloons. I understand that plenty of nude models have had surgery done, but Crystal's breasts just look too silly in photos

. At times also, her face just doesn't have a dynamic quality to her, and she just wanders around photographs aimlessly, not allowing any rhythm or theme develop in her pictorial at all.

Don't for an instant say that she doesn't "match my tastes." Platinum blondes can be very sexy, and light haired beauties this year include Candice Cassidy and Lindsey Gayle Evans, some of the best bodies and posers of the year. Crystal just doesn't have "it," or anything for that matter. She edges out some of the bottom girls of the year simply because of her ability to pull through on some photos and the fact that she does have some admirable proportions here and there. But make no mistake: 2009 went out with a real whimper. Stay tuned, though! A comprehensive Playmate review of the '09 class is coming soon!

Consensus...
  • Facial: B- Crystal's sharp facial features are far less attractive than many of the girls of the year, not to mention that it remains expressionless for many of her photos.
  • Body: B- Crystal is very artificial, with her ridiculous breasts being the biggest flaw.
  • Talent: C+ The only reason she's a Playmate is because of her personal ties, and has not one bit to do with how good she is at posing for the camera.
  • Pictorial: B- There was no flow in the entire pictorial, nor was there more than one or two memorable photos.
  • Centerfold: B+ Definitely one of the better centerfolds of the year, one of the few bright spots in this Playmate's appearance.
  • Overall: B- Without a doubt, Crystal is one of the worst Playmates of 2009. It's not just the stellar class that makes her look bad, though; Crystal's utter lack of ability and any semblance of posing experience whatsoever makes her a terrible choice for Playmate. She obviously is the ultimate "Hefmate" of the modern era, and possibly the very last of her kind, but as she is now, we need to endure her presence. With three out of the twelve girls being Hefmates for 2009, there is a stronger chance that one of these failures may edge close to the PMOY 2010 crown, which would be an absolute travesty considering the caliber of talent at the top of the '09 class. If Crystal does get that far, it will prove once and for all that politics is truly king in the Playboy realm.
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Friday, November 20, 2009

25 Greatest Playmates of All-Time: a Recap

After going through months of giving lengthy reviews and a countdown of the Greatest Playmates of All-Time, here is a summary of the girls who made it in my Top 25. There should be some heated debate about who was left off, and I want to hear it! I'll have an "honorable mentions" post as I promised. There are plenty of other deserving girls here, but here are a few of the justifications I've made for choosing these lovely ladies...

#25 Carrie Westcott
September 1993

Carrie was far ahead of her time - taking the edgy, rough look to the mainstream and becoming the first true "blonde bombshell" in Playboy.


#24 Cara Wakelin
November 1999

The smooth-skinned Canadian beauty was a much forgotten Playmate whose striking pictorial presence and unique looks were unmatched.


#23 Heidi Sorenson
July 1981

Far ahead of her time, she ushered in the style of the 80's with an constant array of goddess-like poses and epic nude artistry.



#22 Gillian Bonner
April 1996

Gillian's overt sexuality and piercing eyes, coupled with a playful sense of presence, made her one of the most important Playmates of the Golden Era.



#21 Crista Nicole
May 2001

Crista's beautiful curves alone are worth a thousand words. Her tall body and engaging face were curvy and set the bar for Playmates of the new millennium.



#20 Julie McCullough
February 1986

Julie set the tone for the "modernization" of the 90's, complete with a playful, fresh look and a departure from the "big hair, big makeup" look of the 1980's.



#19 Raquel Gibson
November 2005

Raquel, a more recent Playmate, is a testament to Playboy's commitment to diversity. Her Filipino-Italian looks are exotic, and her islander body is extraordinary.





#18 Carol and Darlene Bernaola
January 2000

The Bernaola twins ushered in the new millennium by offering a double dose of South American bodies, their outstanding chemistry being the focal point of each and every photo.


#17 Lisa Dergan
July 1998

Lisa was part of the historic class of 1998, although the lesser known of the bunch. Her unbelievable intimacy in each of her photos was enough to make her a major fan favorite.


#16 Kelly Gallagher
September 1994

A tall, luscious Playmate with legs for miles, Kelly's sophisticated performances and all-natural beauty were both inviting and classically reminiscent.



#15 Heather Kozar
January 1998
Playmate of the Year 1999

Heather was a prolific poser from the most outstanding era in Playboy history, when her curly blond locks and awesome posing talent earned her a number of awards.


#14 Monica Leigh
March 2006
Cyber Girl of the Year 2006

A recent superstar, Monica is an omnipresent star in modern Playboy because of her exceptional ability to strike a vast variety of poses and make her incredible looks work to perfection.



#13 Jennifer Walcott
August 2001

Jennifer took a dash of animal-like sexuality and a buxom brunette body and put it into a spicy concoction that made her a huge star into the new millennium, impacting the edginess of pictorials to come.





#12 Carmella DeCesare
April 2003
Cyber Girl of the Month February 2003
Playmate of the Year 2004

Carmella's unmatched talents made her one of the most viewed Playmates in history, as she became a Cyber Girl and ascended the ladder, eventually becoming PMOY by using her exotic looks and sinewy, sleek body.





#11 Angela Little
August 1998

With a tiny frame and an edgy but innocent posing style, Angela was one of the most underrated stars of the Playmate Golden Era. Her playful, upbeat attitude was palpable in her material, and she shone as a result.





#10 Nichole Van Croft
October 2000

Nichole stormed onto the scene with an outrageously curvaceous body combined with cute, wholesome, subduing looks that were warm and inviting. The ingenious mix of innocence and the body was a bold step that cemented her stardom.



#9 Tiffany Fallon
December 2004
Playmate of the Year 2005

Tiffany is a Playmate of modern times, but stands as an homage to the raven haired starlets of the 50's and 60's. With a curvy and silky smooth body, along with an immaculate set of intangibles that are impossible to teach, she will go down as one of the greatest.



#8 Jaime Bergman
January 1999

With a magnetic personality and breathtaking features, Jaime was one of the most photogenic girls ever to be in Playboy, with platinum blond locks and golden tanned skin. With some of the greatest performances ever seen, Jaime was an instant treasure.




#7 Alicia Rickter
October 1995

Alicia was an instant classic, and the ultimate example of understated beauty: always subtle in her ways, but definitely the archetypical girl-next-door throughout her stint in the mid-90's. Although she never used flashy techniques, she was always modestly complex in her style.



#6 Jodi Ann Paterson
October 1999
Playmate of the Year 2000

Jodi's natural talent comes from her ability to create nuanced and professional photos, which was obviously helped by her exotic Asian background and sizzling, curvy body. Her success was a result of her unique ability to steal a scene with her youthful, cheeky charm.



#5 Elisa Bridges
December 1994

Elisa was a once-in-a-lifetime Playmate, unmatched for her slim, lengthy body wrapped in kinky tan lines. Her girl-next-door attitude complemented her extremely natural body by allowing her to effortlessly create unforgettable scenes with a heavy dose of sensuality that will never again be replicated.


#4 Brooke Berry
May 2000

Brooke was the ultimate definition of Playboy's "girl next door," but never once compromised her strong, sensual presence for her innocence and delicate beauty. With a stacked body and a photogenic appeal directly linked to her outstanding talent, Brooke had legendary looks to go along with her legendary pictorial.


#3 Vanessa Gleason
September 1998

Vanessa took the art of the pictorial to a whole new level, setting a new standard for talent during the Golden Era. With her fluttery curls and wholesome face, the 19 year-old model was breathtaking and multi dimensional. Every single photo told a story, and every pose was absolutely unique; Vanessa had a knack for the camera that few girls could ever claim to have.


#2 Shannon Stewart
June 2000

Shannon took her southern charm and infectious personality to her advantage to create a persona that was unique while still offering a nod to the great Playmates of the 50's and 60's. Her classic look and mature poise and skillful posing set her apart from every Playmate since then. With what is perhaps the finest pictorial in the history of Playboy magazine, Shannon definitely laid the groundwork for a new Playmate archetype which few, if any, have ever matched.


#1 Karen McDougal
December 1997
Playmate of the Year 1998

It is hard to deny that Karen belongs in the very small handful of candidates for "greatest Playboy model ever." In all weights and measures, she has perhaps what is the greatest body in Playboy history, some of the most iconic photos in Playboy magazine, and has one of the largest fan followings of any Playmate, period. With acute posing talent and some of the sexiest, most jaw-dropping looks ever, Karen McDougal is of the same mold that true legends are made of in the nude photography world. After grabbing a PMOY title and being hugely prolific, fans still wonder whether they will see another appearance in the future. Keep dreaming, folks.
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Friday, November 13, 2009

Sexy Texan

One thing we've kept revisiting within the past few months is just how strong this year's Playmate class is. The girls have been exceptional, with toned bodies, great talent, and some very good pictorials, something of an anomaly when you look at past years. Since the early
2000's, we haven't had great consistency like we've seen this year, and just when we think things are going to die down, yet another fine lady comes by and delivers.

Perhaps it's all stemming from the 55th anniversary Playmate search, which has produced some very stunning women throughout. Girls like Jessica Burciaga and others this year have been a result of that search, as is our Miss November 2009, Kelley Thompson.

Kelley is a gorgeous Texan brunette with a country girl swagger and plenty of good looks to go around. She has a voluptuous build for a girl who's not so short (5'6"), and definitely has some features that allow her to stand apart. Kelley was greatly anticipated since her debut in the 55th Anniversary Playmate Search, and many fans saw her as a legitimate Playmate candidate right from the get go. I saw it too, as her appearance in the preliminary pictorials was quite stunning, and Playboy did a great job of playing to her strengths.

With her pictorial debut as Miss November, Kelley does a decent job about using her talents. She is often hit-or-miss with her posing, and that is ultimately what hurts her, but rest assured that this is no fluke of a model. Kelley easily boosts the class of 2009, and that's no small task given the talent here.

Right from the beginning, Kelley's flannel shirt and cowgirl look plays greatly to her charming persona. She takes this to a great level in her print photos, with an awesome shot here, which really does a great job of showing off Kelley's full figure. You're immediately drawn to her amazing smile and those plump breasts, and the photographer does a good job of not making her do too much that's out of her range. The print pictorial continues with this excellent backside photo, giving viewers a shot of her balanced lower body. But the real show stopper is still Kelley's beautiful face, which is still being shot perfectly from behind her raven hair.

The shot which really characterizes her pictorial is Photo #7, which does a wonderful job of showing off Kelley's unassuming side. When you get down to it, she doesn't have a lot of very hard features on her face, and with those subtle lines and fine features, she looks very accessible and cute. This photo is innocent and sensual, and does a great job of showing off just how awesome her body is.

Overproduction abounds in certain parts of Kelley's pictorial, not to mention awkward posing, like in this photo. Again, Kelley's posing talents do not range very widely, and she is restricted by this unfortunate fact. Thus, she comes off as very inconsistent in her pictorial, often mixing a jaw-dropping shot with a dud.

Still, Kelley is smoking hot, mainly because of her gorgeous facial features. When her forehead is covered up fine by her fluttery hair, her pretty smile and small eyes beat out every girl of 2009 in their pure beauty. The variety in the pictorial is also great, with closing shots like this one doing a good job of playing to Kelley's strength of using her face as a focal point, and not her movement.

Consensus...
  • Facial: A+ Probably the prettiest of 2009, and her greatest strength
  • Body: A- A bit disproportionate at the thighs, as her buttocks don't taper down normally
  • Talent: B Her biggest weakness; needs to work on being consistent with her posing
  • Pictorial: B+ As a result of inconsistency, the pictures were hit-or-miss in quality
  • Centerfold: A- Probably the best centerfold of 2009
  • Overall: A Kelley has turned heads and done a great job breaking out as a young model. Although she needs to work on her posing abilities, there's no doubt that she can make a huge run for PMOY, and has the prize in sight. Although she faces some of the stiffest competition in years, don't be surprised if she makes some fans' top 3, and maybe even the top spot. With looks that can kill and a charm that's exuded in all her photos, Kelley's "Miss Congeniality" status can carry her a long way, as can her gorgeous face and admirable proportions.

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Monday, November 2, 2009

The Right Moves

So, with a year of disappointment in the Cyber Girl Class of '09, we have to look forward to next year's ladies and the potential that can lift up a faltering group. With a good CGOY pick (Hillary Fisher or Jamie Graham) and a nice crop of ladies to kick off the 2010 class, the tone can be set for an amazing year.

So, to my delight, we've already got some amazing CGOW's lined up for a daunting run at the 2011 Cyber Girl of the Year crown. Now, I know it's real early to be looking so far ahead, but what we may be seeing is a couple of excellent talents making their very first debuts... the first of many.

In came Mariela Henderson last week, a girl who should run away with her month's CGOM nomination. The reason is quite simple: Mariela is a small package with plenty of bite, and the bite is all in her build. I can't wait to see what else she has to offer, because in her CGOW pictorial, the photographer focused extremely well on her lower body.

Mariela quite possibly has the nicest legs of any girl to appear in Playboy in years. I'm not usually one to tout a nice pair of stems, but Mariela's are beyond reproach. They are visibly toned, very pleasantly muscular, and they just look juicy and sexy. She's not a very tall girl (a mere 5'2"), so she isn't the "leggy" type, per se. However, those sultry thighs come up to meet a gorgeously curved butt, which is so toned, yet so plump, it's just tough to describe.

When it comes down to it, Mariela has a very nice lower body (buttocks and legs), but her upper body doesn't balance it so well, with some small breasts. She has a decently cute face, albeit not quite so smoothly toned and beautiful as many others. Still, if photographers concentrate on her strengths, where she goes above and beyond, she could be a bigtime success.

One girl who truly wowed me today was an Italian beauty by the name of Daniella Mugnolo. Daniella left me dazed and mesmerized, simply because she's the all-around package. With great height (5'8") while still being very slender (115 lbs.), Daniella is very proportioned while being sexy and sleek. Her number one strength, however, is her sexuality.

In her CGOW pictorial, a recycle of her "Fresh Faces" edition, Daniella is stunning. Wearing a silky little piece of lingerie in the shower, she strips it off perfectly and slowly for the camera, and does a great job with every little move and glimmer in her eyes. She has that European charm, but definitely has an American bite when it comes to her approach to her pictorials. She is extremely sexual, being aggressive when she gets fully naked, and not being the least bit bashful about throwing out a full-frontal assault.

My advice to Playboy: don't mess too much with this formula you have going for Daniella. She is immaculate. Her facial expressions are extremely engaging, with those pouty lips and those sleepy, dark eyes taking on a sexual, hedonistic tone. As long as she's shot the same way... no gimmicks, just let the model move and be herself... Daniella can go very far, and perhaps challenge for CGOY in 2011.

Those are my two MVP's so far for next year. Here's to a great one!
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