Wednesday, January 9, 2013

One Bland Blonde

Karina, Miss January
We had a pretty good 2012 class. Top to bottom, there was some good depth of talent, apparently some of the best we had in years. But as I've said before, there was never a defining knockout Playmate, who truly reshaped and redefined the direction of Playboy as a brand.

We haven't had a woman like that in forever. It feels like the last truly impactful models were Katie Vernola and Hall of Famer Amy Leigh Andrews back in 2010. Since then, we've had a collection of retreads, and even the greats (Toth, Horton, Chesnes) never could break through to that iconic status. So, we hope for lucky number 2013 to bring us that really special girl that tickles our fancy and drops our jaws.

Unfortunately, we'll need to wait another month. Miss January is Karina Marie, who kicks things off in a very underwhelming fashion. It's actually quite astounding how vanilla this Playmate is. It's not even easy to call Karina a "safe" choice, as she's way beyond that. This is a downright boring, uninteresting, and untalented Playmate who's taking up a spot where others may be far more deserving.

Karina's sneering, unattractive, and squinty gaze is never the attention grabber that we expect in Playmates nowadays. She sits in most of her photos, passive and expressionless, with little to offer in terms of true visual stimulation. The most we get out of her in the way of 'posing' is a slight flutter of the hair, a little forced grin, and a little budge of the nondescript features of her body to show that she's actually active.

When it comes to physical qualities, Karina suffers just as much. Her body is as bland and pointless as her posing, lacking any true contour or character at all. Her pale skin and overly slim build just doesn't look good in the camera's scrutinizing gaze, and her genitals are completely missing from view.

  • Face: C+
    I guarantee that I won't be able to recall Karina's face a few months into 2013, without a doubt. Her angular face and lack of any character comes with nary a single smile. There's nothing but a dismal and unrecognizable sneer all over.
  • Body: B-
    Easily one of the worst Playmate bodies we've seen in a few years, Karina leaves a ton to be desired. Her tall frame is far underweight, leading to a rippling and slim body with absolutely no curvature to offer any semblance of a silhouette. She has not a single defining feature, and then some, and her underexposed pictorial set doesn't help at all.
  • Talent: B-
    Karina is a lifeless and tiresome girl without a single glimmer of talent throughout her photo set. She barely moves an inch, and each position does nothing to make up for her ultimately uninspiring body.
  • Pictorial: C+
    There's just nothing here. It's ok to an extent that Karina is a dismally boring model, but to make matters worse, there's nothing sexually charged about these photos at all. It's just a model who happens to be naked, who lacks all balance whatsoever.
  • Centerfold: B-
    A thoughtless, lame centerfold is just too fitting for Karina.
  • Overall: C+
    You can tell that I just didn't enjoy Karina, as I felt she had no business being a Playmate. Sadly, it's a position that's seen better days, and the best classes of Playmates are far behind us. With women like Karina, it only feels like those great days are that much farther away, and that they'll never return again. She is an entirely uninspired choice by the editors, with no talent or physical strengths at all. The most you can say about her is that she's all-natural, but then again, so are most women. A forgettable Playmate to start off what will hopefully be an unforgettable year.
Then again, even the best classes didn't always start off with the best Miss Januaries. How about Shawn Dillon, the petite hottie that's tabbed for Miss February? Hopefully things are pointing up!


Leo 'The Great' said...

Oh yes, Oh yes, again, youve hit the nail in the head Mr. PBC.

Where do I even get started on this Karina? Why Hef? Why. why. why....
Where are the Januaries like Jamie Farrell, Jaime Edmondson, Heather Kozar, Jayde Nicole?? All you said is true of her, and Shawn is even worse. If Marilyn G. was still at Playboy Studios West this would never have happened.

PS - I think many women of 2011 + 2012 would easily beat Amy Andrews, she was one of the worst of her year, imo anyways. Jaime Edmondson easily could defeat her with her hands tied behind her back so could Alana Campos and even Shelby Chesnes. Heres to your Shawn Dillon review, I know it'll inspire some much needed laughter, after Miss Karina's bombing. But for. at. last. Hef is now a married man and picking the centerfold has probably dropped a few notches from his "favorite things" list, if you get my drift. Cheers.

Anonymous said...

Why they let this Eisenman guy shooting playmates???? His pictorials sucks :(