Thursday, May 29, 2014

2013 Playmate Recap

For those of you who follow my blog, obviously you noticed a steep drop-off of Playmate reviews since I featured Briyana Noelle here last year. Indeed, as busy as it has been for me outside this blog, there's also been a dearth of Playmate talent to write about. Which is why I put this thing on hold for so long, perhaps wondering if I'd return again.

A certain Miss June changed that recently, so I'd like to catch up on all the things I've missed. I'm not going to do all the ladies I passed over much justice with full posts, but what I will do is give some short reviews. For this post, I'd like to catch up on the ladies from the 2013 class that I did not review, give my ranking for the group, and recap the PMOY selection. Here we go.

Carly Lauren, October 2013
With one of the most well-balanced and long yet buxom bodies of the year, Carly is a gem that needs a second look to truly appreciate. Her talent is world-class in her pictorials, as she goes above and beyond the sets given to her by delivering dynamic and active posing. The combination of body and talent would be a real slam dunk if not for some strange and off-kilter pictorials that don’t really do her much justice.
  • Face: B
    Carly's bleached blond waves and squinty blue eyes do little for me. She doesn't have a very memorable look and lacks a bit of character in her expressions.
  • Body: A
    Carly gives Alyssa a run for her money when it comes to body of the year in the 2013 class. She has a tight, tall figure with legs for miles, and looks perfect in anything the producers throw her in.
  • Talent: A+
    My one and only A+ category rating of 2013 goes here to Carly. I must say that she really took me aback with her posing skill, which ranks among the very best I've seen. She has a keen understanding of her own assets, and works her gorgeous body for the camera with much ease.
  • Pictorial: B+
    Most of the shining moments in Josh Ryan's shooting of Carly lies in when she's allowed to just flow. At other times, the pictorials seem overproduced and lacking in any real flavor. They completely missed giving this great model any real personality when they had the chance.
  • Centerfold: B
    A passive pose doesn't suit Miss Lauren very well here, and not in her best pictorial setting either.
  • Overall: A-
    Carly is one who really surprised me this year, as I wrote her off a bit before I started to look deeper. Her weakness is being less-than-memorable, and it's exasperated by a rather boring pictorial set that only sporadically takes advantage of such a hot body. But, for physique and sheer talent alone, Carly ranks towards the top of the 2013 Playmate class for me.

Gemma Lee Farrell, November 2013
With a popping booty and an exotic face, Gemma is one of the odd birds out of the Playmate group with her unique looks. She brings the energy with her posing, and although she’s no Carly, she tows the rope as one of the better talents in the class. Still, a bleached, overly processed, and color-heavy pictorial set makes her look unnecessarily phony at times.
  • Face: B
    Gemma's unusual face becomes a bit of a centerpiece of her photos, but that's not always a good thing. Slanted and sometimes engaging eyes are her most interesting feature, but often get lost in the photograph because of their size. She comes off as a bit too artificial here.
  • Body: A-
    Although Gemma's not short (a respectable 5'8") she looks compact in her photos due to her curviness. Although she seems a bit unbalanced with some short-ish legs, she hits all the right points with a great rack.
  • Talent: A-
    Gemma gets all the high marks for being an above-average poser, playing well to the camera and looking engaged and focused. She never gets too wild, which you kind of miss with a lady like this.
  • Pictorial: B-
    Again, with Gemma's lack of effort to really get riled up and sexy, combined with a series of pictorials looking heavily airbrushed and false, we never really get a good view of just who Gemma is. She's as perplexing as she is on first sight, which is a sad nod to Eisenmann's disjoined style.
  • Centerfold: B
    Not overly flattering on her curves. Not a great shot selection.
  • Overall: B+
    The main takeaway from studying Gemma's work is that we'll never really know who this model is. Playboy has taken a safe, timid route with her, coloring and saturating a pictorial that seems hastily edited and completely out of touch. Miss Farrell has the physical assets to make a splash, but won't get far with a poorly matched performance like this. I only wish she was let out of her cage a bit.

Kennedy Summers, December 2013
A strangely uncomfortable Playmate to look at, Kennedy is a plastic blonde with an elongated face and bubbly fake breasts. She doesn’t have a shred of that Playmate swagger or an ounce of charm. Given her nomination as Playmate of the Year, you’d expect someone with a few more redeeming qualities. Sadly, Kennedy was at the bottom of the Playmate barrel for me in 2013.
  • Face: B-
    With one of the stranger, more angular faces in the recent past, Kennedy's face is certainly what drags her down in my rankings. A Playmate's got to look pretty, period.
  • Body: B
    Kennedy looks like a model that comes straight out of a manufacturing plant. Pale, artificially inflated, doll-like. She looks good in numbers, but when you lay eyes on her, you're left wanting something more tangible.
  • Talent: B
    Miss Summers is a passable model, with some staring, some leering, and some occasional grinning. She never steps foot beyond that mark, and that makes her just average.
  • Pictorial: B-
    An abysmal set of pictorials has Kennedy overly made-up, looking lost and without purpose or direction. A complete lack of passion doesn't help the fact that she is just not an adept or attractive model.
  • Centerfold: A
    Ah-ha, the one saving grace! Kennedy delivers a sizzling full-frontal shot that reminds me of the good old days of Playmate centerfolds. You almost get a palpable sense of her body in this one. Easily the best photo of her whole repertoire.
  • Overall: B-
    In case you can't predict it already, I'm a bit disappointed with the PMOY selection this year. Kennedy is just a plain bad model that sets the tone for a rough start to 2014. There are numerous more deserving ladies, but what we got here is a tired, boring, Barbie doll model who stretches the concept of Hef-mate to undeserved levels.
Jaslyn Ome, Miss April 2013
2013 Playmate Class Ranking

12. Karina Marie (C+)
11. Kennedy Summers (B-)
10. Shawn Dillon (B)
9. Briyana Noelle (B+)
8. Gemma Lee Farrell (B+)
7. Audrey Allen (B+)
6. Alyssa Arce (B+)
5. Val Keil (A-)
4. Kristen Nicole (A-)
3. Ashley Doris (A-)
2. Carly Lauren (A-)
1. Jaslyn Ome (A-)

Superlatives
Best Breasts... Alyssa
Best Butt... Val
Best Body... Alyssa
Best Face... Audrey
Best Pictorial... Jaslyn
Best Talent... Carly

Overall, I think 2013 would go down as a very solid class top-to-bottom. I have B+ ratings all the way down to 9th place, which shows that I really thought we have a deep class. Still, no one achieved a A or higher for the entire year, the first year that's happened since 1989 in my rankings (Giana Amore was my Playmate pick that year). 

This year, Jaslyn was my top pick, as I felt she had the best balance of talent, looks, and pictures to set herself apart. It was one of the tougher selections in years, since I felt like the ladies were tightly bunched in the class. I think Carly made a great push towards the end, but Miss Ome had my heart.

Playmate of the Year 2014: Reaction

Kennedy Summers is the 2014 Playmate of the Year. I had her ranked at #11 on my list, my lowest ranking for a PMOY winner since 1993's Vickie (Anna Nicole) Smith, who I had at #12 that year.

As you might tell from my review above, I didn't have Kennedy in the highest regard. From what I can see on the internet, neither did many Playboy fans. There were ten other women who I'd have rather seen win the award over Kennedy. I have to ask the question that so many others are asking: who is Playboy listening to? What fans are picking these winners? How could a woman like Kennedy win over great talents like Carly or amazing physiques like Alyssa?

I'll just leave it at that. I always keep looking forward to the next year, but this selection makes me lose all hope. I have great expectations for 2014! More reviews coming soon!

6 comments:

Alex said...

Yay!!!!! So nice to see you comeback!!!
ps: love Jaslyn wallpaper)

Matthew Cochran said...

You mentioned in your post that you have year-end playmate rankings dating back quite a few years. I was wondering what your rankings for 1998 were.

Anonymous said...

Just saw Emily Agnes on PlayboyPlus. An A+ in my opinion.

PlayboyCritic said...

Hi Matthew,
Yes, I have rankings for all Playmate years. My 1998 rankings are below... easily one of my favorite PM classes ever.

12. Maria Luisa Gil (B-)
11. Deanna Brooks (B)
10. Holly Hart (B)
9. Marliece Andrada (B)
8. Laura Cover (B+)
7. Julia Schultz (B+)
6. Dahm Triplets (A-)
5. Tiffany Taylor (A)
4. Heather Kozar (A)
3. Lisa Dergan (A)
2. Angela Little (A+)
1. Vanessa Gleason (A+)

LoveFemNude said...

Yes unquestionably 1998 was Playmate heaven. I consider as many as eight of the class of that year goddesses. Your #1 is perhaps my most beloved Playmate of all time. Your #2 is the ultimate cutie pie. Your #3 is elegance and class personified and a dream girl by any standard. Your #4 is one of the hottest women I have ever seen. Your #5 is Venus in human form, a Goddess of Beauty. Your #6 is way overrated for me. Your #11 is shockingly underrated for me. She has such a wonderful front side with that face and those breasts. My guess is you didn't like her Playmate pictorial and if you consider all her later work you would rate her much higher.

LoveFemNude said...

BTW would it be possible for you to share all your rankings? I have ranked Playmates from 1 to 12 for every year from 1954 to 2013. Your rankings seem very firm while mine keep changing all the time. Still it would be fun to compare.