Sunday, October 19, 2014

Absolutely, Emily

Emily, Miss July
So I've been a bit slow to post after getting through my fave girl of the year, Jessica Ashley. I've got some catching up to do at this point in the year, but instead of doing one of my catch-up posts with multiple Playmates at once, I thought it wouldn't do justice to another great entry this year.

Miss July was Emily Agnes, and I would be remiss if I didn't give her just what she deserves - a thorough review. To put it simply, Emily is a certain fan favorite with a definite shot at PMOY. That's how good she is, even stacked up against the likes of Jessica.

Emily is a veritable specimen of a woman, statuesque at 5'8", a slim 105 lbs. but sporting some colossal DD breasts and eye-popping measurements. In keeping with the theme of great bodies that Miss Ashley set the bar for in 2014, Emily elaborates on that and takes it in a totally different direction.

This sultry English model is all body. She's coy and reticent in her photos, but you can tell that she's packing deep. Her length is truly outstanding - in some photos it seems like the Playboy crew struggles to fully frame Emily's mile-long legs. She's a bit thin in the posterior, but her killer abs anchor what's a really stunning top half.

Those tits are for real, folks. These are true, unadulterated, hanging boobs that look fantastic beneath that cute mug. And Emily neatly ties up that hair in a bun so that her chest is on full display with little to distract from it.

When you get past Emily's amazing natural build, the questions arise. She's obviously got a good bit of talent, posing with grace and confidence throughout. But the photography is putrid, looking overexposed and too colorful, never just giving way to what a great physical display this could be. Emily never gets sexual enough... you're always looking for something a bit more, a little more labia, a little better ass shot. It all never comes, unfortunately.
  • Face: B+
    A bit thin on the facial features, with a longer and slender nose, Emily nonetheless is very attractive. The gimmicks, though, give me pause. I'd recommend she lose those thick-rimmed glasses more often, letting us see that wry smile. Also, the hair. I'm a huge stickler for great hair, and the most detrimental thing about Emily's entire set is that she never lets those brown shiny locks loose. They're potentially gorgeous, and could have catapulted her to elite status. It's what could have been. 
  • Body: A+
    This is another hall-of-fame worthy body, in a totally different way from Jessica's. With Emily, we have a Roman goddess. Her colossal and natural breasts are a succulent sight to behold. They beautifully balance out an otherwise very thin frame. When Emily gets fully nude, the fireworks truly fly. This is one spectacular woman to see naked... she looks streamlined, refined, and very intimate. There's energy to her motion akin to hard sex. It's that shy secretary look that really can do wonders.
  • Talent: A
    As I've mentioned, Emily is a physical, brave model who breaks from her reclusive shell and busts out, literally. Her body goes on full-frontal display (although not quite enough I'll say), with Emily crouching, contorting, spreading her legs, and looking transformative throughout.
  • Pictorial: B-
    There are numerous missteps with Eisenmann's pitiful picture set, the first one being the heterogenous approach of making Emily look like an old school pinup. They never o for the subtlety that would be so fitting for a model like this. A woman like Emily just needs to feel her way through a photo set, without too much makeup or props, just being nude and letting herself strip free, maybe even *undo her hair*. Good God.. if only they let her be herself here.
  • Centerfold: B+
    Although it suffers from the stylistic faults of the rest of Emily's pictorial, her centerfold looks full of energy and captures a rock hard torso. Though I'd like to have seen a full frontal with some idea of Emily's great length in mind.
  • Overall: A
    This one's another special model who should be under consideration for PMOY in 2015. Fans have bought in to Emily's beautiful look and unbelievably physical gifts. Although she like other Playboy models of recent years has been mishandled abhorrently, she's still something to see. A sleek, slim woman with huge amazing tits isn't always what we see in the right balance, but Miss Agnes hits the nail right on the head. Sexy beyond words.


Alex said...

Yay!!! My favorite playmate this year!!!

Alex said...

ps: the photographer is Tony Kelly, not Eisenman)

Anonymous said...

What's your opinion on Maggie May? I think she's pretty but the posing was prudish.

mhrtwll said...

Is this blog dead now?

Anonymous said...

C'mon, we need a review of 2014.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your posts and always check to look for updates. I was looking forward to a review of 2014. Are you planning a review or am I wasting my time checking for updates every day?

Anonymous said...

Where are you? Your posts and opinions are missed!! I also was looking forward to your review of 2014-and to hear your choice(miss June} for playmate of the year.

mhrtwll said...

Jessica Ashley is my fav

Mr. Tan said...

Hi Playboy Critic, you chose your top 25 playmates. If you were to choose 5 more to make a top 30, who would they be?