Thursday, March 11, 2010

Momentum, Halted

After such an amazing crop of Playmates in 2009, one cannot expect that this momentum can last forever, especially given Playboy's reputation. We've been disappointed time and time again in the past, where just as things were starting to take off, they would introduce a series of duds that put everything back off track.

We closed out an awesome 2009 and opened 2010 with another gorgeous model in Jaime Faith Edmondson. Her mature style and incredible poise were enough to immediately fault her into PMOY discussion, albeit the fact that she debuts at the beginning of the year.

Well, with the rate February and March have gone, you might as well pencil Jaime in for the time being. Miss February 2010 is Heather Rae Young, a 22 year old blonde bombshell from southern California. I know, thinking out of the box, right? For Playboy, this is another cookie cutter girl with a complete lack of talent, not to mention an inherent lack of really memorable good looks. Yes, Heather is nothing out of the ordinary, and it's easy to see that from her weak pictorial.

Heather looks like nothing more than a typical blonde Playmate, and she even adds to that negative energy with some flaws here and there. She is simply not interesting, and has a horrible sense for the camera. Her sleepy-eyed look pervades her photos, and sometimes gets in the way of her posing.

Granted, Heather has a pretty nice body. It's pretty well-proportioned (albeit the complete lack of butt), and has a tanned glow that is prevalent in her photos. In fact, that's obviously the only reason this Hef-mate made the ranks as a Playmate in the first place. Given her extensive pictorial, it's hard to find a photo that makes you walk away thinking of her. And it's bland, clueless expressions like this one that make you wonder if she was ever prepared for the shoot in the first place.
  • Facial: C+ If there was any beauty in Heather's face, it is disguised by the bored, sleepy, and clueless expression she often sticks on her face. This trait definitely hurts her the most.
  • Body: B+ This may be overlooked because of her other flaws, but she is tanned and chiseled. She could use more of a butt, though.
  • Talent: B- With no active movement and a series of one-dimensional poses, it's hard to see what qualifies her.
  • Pictorial: C The awful posing combined with the total lack of variety or production value make it a total dud.
  • Centerfold: C+ Nothing distinguishes the centerfold from any one of her pictorial photos. What's the deal with that?
  • Overall: C+ Heather is destined to go down as one of the worst Playmates of 2010. Her complete lack of interest, combined with Playboy's obvious efforts to just "get the job done," create a total disaster. Heather has absolutely no talent, and does not even deliver a sliver of hope that there is anything beneath her veil of passive posing. If Playboy even changed up the pictorial here and there, we could see something outside of the standard "bathtub shots," but instead, we get nothing.
Miss March, Floridian Kyra Milan, is a 20 year old that Playboy fans have had their eyes on for a while. Ever since she was announced, there was a lot of buzz about her unique looks and young, vibrant demeanor. In the end, what we're getting is a mixed bag.

Kyra is what you make of her, and this is a girl where opinions may
differ widely. I myself haven't quite decided what to make of her, and that may be both good and bad. Kyra is a pretty girl, and she has a lot of spunk to her that makes her look overly young. She doesn't have a whole lot of meat on her bones, which some may find a turn-off. I think it just depends on the picture. When looking at her headshot, you may think that you're peeking in on someone even half her age. I personally like my women to look 20-25 years old, but that is your choice.

When Kyra strips it all off, she has flashes of true brilliance. In this shot, she is a sultry and ravenous queen, with lots of aggressive energy. But, she can just as easily turn it around with some awkward posing, with this strange, wide-eyed shot that takes an unflattering look at her bony butt. Her quick turnarounds are difficult to gauge, because she just looks so different in each of her shots. In this photo, she is stunning, and the production is great, with all sorts of colors meshing with her body's character. Then, she can turn around and hit you with one of these very questionable shots, which exposes every one
of her flaws, including her very pronounced chin and upper lip, as well as her overly skinny torso.

For the most part, Kyra's photos are rather awkward. She has trouble hitting winning poses, and her body and face are strange enough that they come through when not photographed right. Now, this is not to say that Kyra is not a beautiful woman, because she surely is (in small doses). This smooth balcony photo, or even her very well-done centerfold, are testaments to her potential. However, she's just not consistent enough.
  • Facial: B- One of Kyra's most questionable traits is her face, which is not very subtle or attractive, but instead has very strong features that are usually photographed awkwardly.
  • Body: B- Kyra isn't that slim on paper (120 lbs), but she can look very boney in many photos, taking away from the fact that she has some pleasant features.
  • Talent: B She is an overall average talent in front of the camera, with a decent amount of variety in posing, and a nice knack for the camera. She can get tiresome, though.
  • Pictorial: B Kyra's photos are not very memorable, but she has a nice bit of variety sprinkled throughout, and the photographer does a good job of playing to her strengths, which lie in her height (such as when she's prone on the bed).
  • Centerfold: B+ Her pictorial is actually one of the best photos in her collection, with a well-shot full frontal highlighting the nice tone of her skin.
  • Overall: B- While an improvement over Heather Rae's portfolio, Kyra doesn't do much to spice up the early race for 2011 PMOY. She is indeed an enigmatic Playmate, and one where there may be plenty of discussion over her merits. However, in the long run, her relatively weak and bland performance combined with some awkward and forgettable posing and production will be the end of Miss Milan. Though she is an interesting entry into the race, and one that mixes things up a little, we're better off seeing more girls like we did in 2009. Bring 'em back!


Silvio said...

Heather has nothing special to be a playmate. Cause in my opinion more than a beauty body and face a playmate needs to be special somehow, so I see her as a big mystake. Now Kyra... well, she is too thin for me but she has talent and beautiful face, so she is not too bad.

Have to say that I miss a cybergirl review here, dude.

Leo said...

Another fantastic review. Heather had one of the weakest performances of any playmate ive seen. She is pretty but awkward. You were right on point about kyra shes very cute but way too skinny and awkward. Her headshot seems like a thirteen year old. Amy Leigh Andrews is more than fine of a playmate. Beautiful southern woman with hazel eyes and blonde hair. Amy gets my vote for pmoy. I also loved your 2009 playmates review. Jessica is defintly the #1 choice for PMOY. I would actually buy her issue on the stand if she was on the June cover.

Leo said...

Also why wasnt Brande Roderick one of your greatest playmates? I'm a gay man and I question my sexuality whenever I see that woman...just my two cents...