Friday, October 4, 2013


Bryiana, Miss September
We're rearing around on the back stretch of 2013's Playmate class, and after several above average performances (I haven't given any girl less than a B+ since February), we kind of have to feel satisfied with this lineup so far. It's got a little bit of everything - from vivacious brunettes to bubbly little packages of posing joy.

What's still missing, though, is that elusive mark that makes a year go. It's that one Playmate who stands out and makes a statement that will carry the class forward. Although fans have delighted in some really wonderful ladies this year, I'd be hard pressed to find anyone who's seen some pure A-caliber talent.

Miss September was Bryiana Noelle, a young and eclectic Playmate that throws a monkey wrench into the gears that churn out plastic Playmate molds. Indeed, Miss Noelle is something of an anomaly, and she's got her quirks.

First thing is obviously first - this is one skinny model. We're talking 85 pounds skinny, and the lightest Playmate ever to hold the title. In fact, she's a whopping 20 lbs lighter than the next lightest girl this year, Audrey Allen. The true test of whether this slim figure is 'too' slim would obviously be her pictorial sets, which could either be hit or miss, as we've seen with overly thin girls in the past.

I was a bit skeptical of Bryiana at first, and it actually took me some time to get a feel for what kind of model she was. And after seeing five entries in Playboy Plus, the truth is, I'm still a bit unsure of what to think of her. While she's a lightweight, she never comes off as sickly, since she has a decent set of curves that photograph quite well. Her thinness also gives the appearance of a tall, sleek figure, which is a bit of an optical illusion given her 5'3" stature, the second shortest of the class.

Posing-wise, we have a fashion model that's broken slightly out of her shell, but not enough to crack it wide open. There's a constricting sense of deliberateness throughout, as she's a bit repetitive and calculating with each move. She is a true talent above many other ladies this year, but she holds back a bit too much, never letting her legs spread or looking free and sensually unbound.

Josh Ryan, though, does just fine here. While there's been much criticism of the photography and direction this year, it's safe to say that Bryiana didn't get the short end of the stick, at least not entirely. Some overexposed shots and overly processed pictorials (her main PM set) are still sticking points. But take one look at "Sweet Surrender" or "Director's Choice" and you'll see some opportunities for Miss Noelle to stay comfortable.

  • Face: B+
    Briyana's uncanny mix of different backgrounds makes her a very unique and unusual entry in any Playmate class. Playboy obviously took a jump away from their cookie cutter blonde here. With big, pearly eyes and a gorgeous smile that's not seen enough, she's exotic and charming. Her facial structure may be a bit off-putting to some, with a shorter nose.
  • Body: B
    Being the lightest Playmate in history gives Bryiana some milestone points, but what should really be to her credit is the fact that she doesn't look 85 lbs. On full frontal shots, the gap between her thighs can be a little eye-catching, but there's balance and beauty in her body. She has a cute butt and looks deliciously long despite her short frame, so there's another plus.
  • Talent: A-
    One of the finer talents of 2013, Briyana is a very professional poser. She's fashion model-esque, with a great feel for technicality and a movement that rivals all the best runway stars. She seems almost too restricted at times, though, and you almost want to see her really get between the sheets at times.
  • Pictorial: B+
    While Josh Ryan didn't reinvent the wheel here, and there were some ill-conceived set pieces, Bryiana gets a chance to stay naturally sexy in two pictorials, Director's Choice and Sweet Surrender. Although there's nothing fancy here, you get a good feel for an otherwise mysterious model, which is not so easy to do.
  • Centerfold: B
    An overexposed shot in the jungle is a very odd choice for such a slender, flowing model. Get a head-to-toe body shot sprawled out on a bed (perhaps from behind), and you'd have a winner.
  • Overall: B+
    Another near-hit for Playboy follows a solid year of girls who never underachieve, but never hit on all cylinders, either. Bryiana Noelle is yet another one of those girls, but this one's been a really unexpected pleasure. While others are more obvious in their appeal, Bryiana draws you in with her wide-eyed look, her sinewy body, and her great posing skill. What she lacks, like pretty much all other women this year, is a real killer instinct that only the best have. It's that look that oozes sexuality, and that free spirited posing style that's somewhat a natural gift. As always, we'll keep searching.


Alex said...

Great girl with weak photos & blah centerfold(((

Silvio said...

She is too skinny, strenge face... not my type.
Actually these last playmates (bryanna, carly and gemma) are not that pretty.
I miss your comments for Cyber Girls and I know you don't rate them anymore but I think you should take a look at Ali Rose. This girl is terrefic! Better than all these playmates.

Silvio said...

*strange, sorry

Silvio said...

Hey dude! Where is your playmate review' 13? Miss the updates here. :/

Anonymous said...

Is this blog closed?